the 10th and final poem from The Ancient Elm
...samadhi
The final poem is a bit of a 'gimmick', I suppose, but one thing I wanted to communicate in The Ancient Elm is the idea that there isn't a endpoint as is usually the case in 'journey' type works. There is a saying by a Chinese Zen Master that goes something like: "Everything gained in battle is ruined by celebrating." This saying was used in the introduction to Thomas Cleary's translation of Denkoroku to illustrate that achieving satori is not the end goal of Zen, but the beginning.
Too many people, I think, seek satori rather than let it come from within and they end up embracing illusion rather than truth. It's like they are addicted to a drug. Satori is so exciting, that they mistake achieving it for actual enlightenment. I know that I briefly fell into this trap but, thankfully, continued meditation snapped me out of it. So this poem in projecting to the future (how the myth continues), mentions samadhi/meditation. The story never really ends.
Personally, I think the ultimate goal of Zen (if it's even correct to say something like that!) is to live normal life with the same mindset that you have during zazen/meditation: to always be calm and centered and disassociated from illusions, to be in control of yourself and open to life at all times without being swept up in it. I'm a long way from achieving that! But what I've gained from Zen already has made the study of it worth the time. I hope to continue with it.
Showing posts with label The Ancient Elm. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Ancient Elm. Show all posts
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
New Moon
poem 9 from The Ancient Elm
Past midnight,
crownless and craftless,
away from the Court of the Sun,
I stare into
the black sky…
I can’t sleep,
for the secrets I seek
only speak
in the silence
of aloneness…
It is my voice:
“Return, invincible Wizard-Knight,
you who know power
is like the father moon,
potent even in moonless skies.”
So I create…Nothing
and go outside
to find it is inside:
that ancient power
understood
before language named its secrets,
before cuneiform,
before music,
before cave painting,
before the dawn of ritual,
before any way
to experience it
but to run outside,
bellow in the wilds
flooding sky and canyon
with echoes
until
gasping
dizzy
spent
I am
once again
shining
myself.
The speaker found himself in a position that was similar (obviously dramatized) to where I found myself before going on the Pete Retreat and getting into Zen. Now I wanted to show how I feel I broke out of it. It was really the same solution as to how the speaker broke out of illusion, because regardless of whether you are powerful or powerless, striving to achieve something or having achieved things, illusion is what ends up pulling you away from truth. It takes different forms, but it's the same thing no matter what form it takes. You have to throw it all away and get out of it ('crownless, craftless, away from the Court of the Sun') in order to think and reflect. I often wonder how many relationships end because people are unable to do this, and they have to throw it out EVERYTHING in their life in order to think. Of course, I guess getting two people lost in illusion to 'get outside' and then come back together would take massive coordination!
The speaker finds that when he allows himself the silence necessary to hear himself think in honest terms that his voice is still there. He knows what he has to do; he just has to listen to himself and let himself know it. This is kind of what I meant in my rant about cell phones in another post. I feel people often use such devices to fill time and that keeps them from 'creating nothing'. Instead of being silent and thinking and listening to themselves, they anesthetize themselves with a lot of meaningless 'input'. I think it's extremely unhealthy, and that people who are confused or not happy stay that way because they keep themselves from thinking abut it. They start thinking: "It's just the way it is. I have to work 50 hour weeks every week and never talk to my family/friends and not be happy most of the time."
Then again, maybe they don't think that. They're probably not thinking at all, which is the problem! I would imagine they are totally on auto-pilot. But reality has a way of bringing even the most comprehensive auto-pilot system to a crashing halt. I was never as bad as what I've depicted above, but I was (and still am - though to a lesser degree) influenced by illusion. Once I realized it, I had to face where I was and decide if I had the balls to make things different. It took a lot of effort from me. Finding a new job, changing how I dealt with people, changing my goals, making myself get off my ass and DO things I've wanted to do but 'didn't have time for', etc. It's not easy to take back control of your life, but I did and Zen was a huge part of how I made it happen.
Past midnight,
crownless and craftless,
away from the Court of the Sun,
I stare into
the black sky…
I can’t sleep,
for the secrets I seek
only speak
in the silence
of aloneness…
It is my voice:
“Return, invincible Wizard-Knight,
you who know power
is like the father moon,
potent even in moonless skies.”
So I create…Nothing
and go outside
to find it is inside:
that ancient power
understood
before language named its secrets,
before cuneiform,
before music,
before cave painting,
before the dawn of ritual,
before any way
to experience it
but to run outside,
bellow in the wilds
flooding sky and canyon
with echoes
until
gasping
dizzy
spent
I am
once again
shining
myself.
The speaker found himself in a position that was similar (obviously dramatized) to where I found myself before going on the Pete Retreat and getting into Zen. Now I wanted to show how I feel I broke out of it. It was really the same solution as to how the speaker broke out of illusion, because regardless of whether you are powerful or powerless, striving to achieve something or having achieved things, illusion is what ends up pulling you away from truth. It takes different forms, but it's the same thing no matter what form it takes. You have to throw it all away and get out of it ('crownless, craftless, away from the Court of the Sun') in order to think and reflect. I often wonder how many relationships end because people are unable to do this, and they have to throw it out EVERYTHING in their life in order to think. Of course, I guess getting two people lost in illusion to 'get outside' and then come back together would take massive coordination!
The speaker finds that when he allows himself the silence necessary to hear himself think in honest terms that his voice is still there. He knows what he has to do; he just has to listen to himself and let himself know it. This is kind of what I meant in my rant about cell phones in another post. I feel people often use such devices to fill time and that keeps them from 'creating nothing'. Instead of being silent and thinking and listening to themselves, they anesthetize themselves with a lot of meaningless 'input'. I think it's extremely unhealthy, and that people who are confused or not happy stay that way because they keep themselves from thinking abut it. They start thinking: "It's just the way it is. I have to work 50 hour weeks every week and never talk to my family/friends and not be happy most of the time."
Then again, maybe they don't think that. They're probably not thinking at all, which is the problem! I would imagine they are totally on auto-pilot. But reality has a way of bringing even the most comprehensive auto-pilot system to a crashing halt. I was never as bad as what I've depicted above, but I was (and still am - though to a lesser degree) influenced by illusion. Once I realized it, I had to face where I was and decide if I had the balls to make things different. It took a lot of effort from me. Finding a new job, changing how I dealt with people, changing my goals, making myself get off my ass and DO things I've wanted to do but 'didn't have time for', etc. It's not easy to take back control of your life, but I did and Zen was a huge part of how I made it happen.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
High Priest And Heretic
poem 8 from The Ancient Elm
Twenty years ago,
Wizard of the Wood,
outcast and alone,
I ciphered
wind earth air trees
into mythology and light.
But today,
I’m the High Priest
of a twisted myth,
practicing a Craft
whose incense invocations icons
reveal nothing.
I must split from
wand and sword and scepter
and become the heretic
who embraces darkness
that is merely new light
unciphered.
Some of the things that got me thinking about this cycle was not only the approach of 40 and viewing myself differently and embracing Zen. Between these two things, there was a feeling of charting new territory and looking at myself in a different way, and that was not always comfortable. For example, it was surprisingly jarring to me to think of myself as a man and not a young man for the first time. Not unpleasant or limiting or sad, but very, very different perspective. This is where the idea of turning from a high priest to a heretic comes in.
In the last poem, the speaker has achieved everything possible along his last trajectory and has stagnated a bit. The thing he sought was never really intended to be the end of all goals, but it became that because he has spent a lot of time getting there and there was never a need to think 'and then what?' Now there is. And, at first, the thinking is to revisit who you've been in the past. However, as shown in the Imperial Triptych, you really can't do that.
A person has to try new things and, sometimes, that requires starting over a bit and not being as effective at everything as you're used to being (turning from a high priest to a heretic). So the speaker splits from 'wand to sword to scepter' which has become a mantra that doesn't really apply to himself twenty years on. He must embrace darkness (the unknown) and view it as a chance to move on to new goals and achievements.
Twenty years ago,
Wizard of the Wood,
outcast and alone,
I ciphered
wind earth air trees
into mythology and light.
But today,
I’m the High Priest
of a twisted myth,
practicing a Craft
whose incense invocations icons
reveal nothing.
I must split from
wand and sword and scepter
and become the heretic
who embraces darkness
that is merely new light
unciphered.
Some of the things that got me thinking about this cycle was not only the approach of 40 and viewing myself differently and embracing Zen. Between these two things, there was a feeling of charting new territory and looking at myself in a different way, and that was not always comfortable. For example, it was surprisingly jarring to me to think of myself as a man and not a young man for the first time. Not unpleasant or limiting or sad, but very, very different perspective. This is where the idea of turning from a high priest to a heretic comes in.
In the last poem, the speaker has achieved everything possible along his last trajectory and has stagnated a bit. The thing he sought was never really intended to be the end of all goals, but it became that because he has spent a lot of time getting there and there was never a need to think 'and then what?' Now there is. And, at first, the thinking is to revisit who you've been in the past. However, as shown in the Imperial Triptych, you really can't do that.
A person has to try new things and, sometimes, that requires starting over a bit and not being as effective at everything as you're used to being (turning from a high priest to a heretic). So the speaker splits from 'wand to sword to scepter' which has become a mantra that doesn't really apply to himself twenty years on. He must embrace darkness (the unknown) and view it as a chance to move on to new goals and achievements.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Imperial Triptych: Emperor Of Thorns
poem 7 from The Ancient Elm
I am the Emperor of Thorns,
my reign a score of years.
Hobbled by majesty,
armored and enthroned
in a Castle of Illusion
built by my own hand.
‘Neath tapestries
of cobweb tatters:
assassins, magnates, fools
posture and plot
in endless intrigues;
necromancers
drink blood to tap the Untamed Wood;
scribes and clerics
twist my saga into dogma:
“…Wand to Sword to Scepter
Wand to Sword to Scepter
Wand to Sword to Scepter…”
a canticle of nostalgia
clutching like chains
in my majestical dungeon.
This is the poem that forms the third and final part of the triptych and is a direct opposite to The Court Of The Sun. I mimicked the structure and form but, instead of the speaker being filled with power, he is now a prisoner of the illusions he has built and accepted for himself. Every line in this poem matches up to one in The Court Of The Sun in order to really contrast between the beginning of the this persons 'reign' and where they find themselves twenty years later. In this position, it is hard to find a way out even when if possess all the power because you have become so out of touch with who and what you are that you can't tell the difference between the Court of the Sun and being an Emperor of Thorns. The next poem moves the cycle onwards.
I am the Emperor of Thorns,
my reign a score of years.
Hobbled by majesty,
armored and enthroned
in a Castle of Illusion
built by my own hand.
‘Neath tapestries
of cobweb tatters:
assassins, magnates, fools
posture and plot
in endless intrigues;
necromancers
drink blood to tap the Untamed Wood;
scribes and clerics
twist my saga into dogma:
“…Wand to Sword to Scepter
Wand to Sword to Scepter
Wand to Sword to Scepter…”
a canticle of nostalgia
clutching like chains
in my majestical dungeon.
This is the poem that forms the third and final part of the triptych and is a direct opposite to The Court Of The Sun. I mimicked the structure and form but, instead of the speaker being filled with power, he is now a prisoner of the illusions he has built and accepted for himself. Every line in this poem matches up to one in The Court Of The Sun in order to really contrast between the beginning of the this persons 'reign' and where they find themselves twenty years later. In this position, it is hard to find a way out even when if possess all the power because you have become so out of touch with who and what you are that you can't tell the difference between the Court of the Sun and being an Emperor of Thorns. The next poem moves the cycle onwards.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Imperial Triptych: The Twisted Myth
poem 6 from The Ancient Elm
One day,
while hunting for sport,
a strange leaf
catches in my cloak
and a mythmaker cries:
“Beware, my Lord!
The Elm is a dangerous tree!”
But I am of the Ancient Elm!
Turned into the Oak Emperor
by strange hands twisting
the tapestry of my myth.
Back behind my Castle walls,
deep in my Imperial Chambers,
I unlock my chest and release:
withered elm leaves,
a tattered wizard robe,
runes of secrets
in language I’ve long forgotten.
But I cannot go outside!
My Castle is all;
the gild and glamour of my Court
dazzle me.
Ah, for my young questing days!
Where, I ask, is my Untamed Wood?
Where my Ancient Elm?
“They are gone,” say the mythmakers,
“paved under the Imperial Road
which leads to your Castle…”
…and ends.
The problem with not being in touch with your true self is that it allows others to control you. When you act from illusion, you are more easily manipulated. So the myth of the speaker in the poem is twisted, and he becomes an Oak Emperor fearing the Elm which was the actual reason he came to power. I also chose this, because it is so often true that the energy or creativity which allows someone to rise to power is hijacked by those around it and it becomes an act people pay lip service to rather than an actuality.
The speaker of the poem tries to relocate what he's lost but finds himself disconnected from it because he has spent twenty years (see The Court of the Sun) in illusion. Worse, he realizes that he cannot 'go outside' because the Castle, the Court, the entire establishment that he seeks to escape comes from himself and is controlled by himself. And yet, because he has handed over control to 'the Mythmakers' he can do nothing about it.
I think sometimes achieving something you've longed for can create a sort of dead end. There's a stagnation because the things you've been after for so long are in your grasp, and this brings you other things that you hadn't anticipated. So there's a sense of 'What now?' People can miss the striving that comes with not having what you longed for and just accept that the rough trail you fought to create is now an Imperial Road anyone can walk and that it leads to your destination and ends. There's something of a crisis when this happens, especially if some parts of that destination are not truly of your own making and just accepted by you. For example, when someone does well in their career and let's continued upward movement become their goal rather than the self-actualization that drove them initially. Realizing that you've somehoe gone off track is a very scary thing when you're on the 'throne'.
One day,
while hunting for sport,
a strange leaf
catches in my cloak
and a mythmaker cries:
“Beware, my Lord!
The Elm is a dangerous tree!”
But I am of the Ancient Elm!
Turned into the Oak Emperor
by strange hands twisting
the tapestry of my myth.
Back behind my Castle walls,
deep in my Imperial Chambers,
I unlock my chest and release:
withered elm leaves,
a tattered wizard robe,
runes of secrets
in language I’ve long forgotten.
But I cannot go outside!
My Castle is all;
the gild and glamour of my Court
dazzle me.
Ah, for my young questing days!
Where, I ask, is my Untamed Wood?
Where my Ancient Elm?
“They are gone,” say the mythmakers,
“paved under the Imperial Road
which leads to your Castle…”
…and ends.
The problem with not being in touch with your true self is that it allows others to control you. When you act from illusion, you are more easily manipulated. So the myth of the speaker in the poem is twisted, and he becomes an Oak Emperor fearing the Elm which was the actual reason he came to power. I also chose this, because it is so often true that the energy or creativity which allows someone to rise to power is hijacked by those around it and it becomes an act people pay lip service to rather than an actuality.
The speaker of the poem tries to relocate what he's lost but finds himself disconnected from it because he has spent twenty years (see The Court of the Sun) in illusion. Worse, he realizes that he cannot 'go outside' because the Castle, the Court, the entire establishment that he seeks to escape comes from himself and is controlled by himself. And yet, because he has handed over control to 'the Mythmakers' he can do nothing about it.
I think sometimes achieving something you've longed for can create a sort of dead end. There's a stagnation because the things you've been after for so long are in your grasp, and this brings you other things that you hadn't anticipated. So there's a sense of 'What now?' People can miss the striving that comes with not having what you longed for and just accept that the rough trail you fought to create is now an Imperial Road anyone can walk and that it leads to your destination and ends. There's something of a crisis when this happens, especially if some parts of that destination are not truly of your own making and just accepted by you. For example, when someone does well in their career and let's continued upward movement become their goal rather than the self-actualization that drove them initially. Realizing that you've somehoe gone off track is a very scary thing when you're on the 'throne'.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Imperial Triptych: The Court Of The Sun
poem 5 from The Ancient Elm
I am the Oak Emperor,
my reign a score of years.
Majestical in dress armor,
my diamond throne
illumes my court:
the Court of the Sun.
‘Neath my tapestries
of lions, eagles, roses:
my knights, lords, acrobats
amuse and revel
in jousts, feasts, pageantry;
my prophets
cast fair fortunes;
my poets and mythmakers
embroider my myth –
wand to sword to scepter –
into an epic saga
for my bards
to sing across the realms
I rule
from my mighty Castle.
The power the speaker in the poem gathers to himself becomes something that sends him into orbit, as far as success goes. The poem is littered with images based on 'The Great Chain of Being' which assigned a highest example of all sorts of categories of objects: oak, diamond, lions, eagles, and the Sun. The Oak Emperor is a symbol for this kind of power and authority. He rules, enjoys his power, and attracts all sorts of people to him, while poets and mythmakers write the tale of his struggle and success - embroidering it to fit their own purposes and interests - and spread it around his kingdom. This poem would be the left side of the artistic triptych and it represents a man at the apotheosis and zenith of his potential. It's a heady place to be.
I am the Oak Emperor,
my reign a score of years.
Majestical in dress armor,
my diamond throne
illumes my court:
the Court of the Sun.
‘Neath my tapestries
of lions, eagles, roses:
my knights, lords, acrobats
amuse and revel
in jousts, feasts, pageantry;
my prophets
cast fair fortunes;
my poets and mythmakers
embroider my myth –
wand to sword to scepter –
into an epic saga
for my bards
to sing across the realms
I rule
from my mighty Castle.
The power the speaker in the poem gathers to himself becomes something that sends him into orbit, as far as success goes. The poem is littered with images based on 'The Great Chain of Being' which assigned a highest example of all sorts of categories of objects: oak, diamond, lions, eagles, and the Sun. The Oak Emperor is a symbol for this kind of power and authority. He rules, enjoys his power, and attracts all sorts of people to him, while poets and mythmakers write the tale of his struggle and success - embroidering it to fit their own purposes and interests - and spread it around his kingdom. This poem would be the left side of the artistic triptych and it represents a man at the apotheosis and zenith of his potential. It's a heady place to be.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Imperial Triptych
poems 5, 6, & 7 from The Ancient ElmIn The Ancient Elm cycle, the next poem is actually a group of three interrelated poems called 'Imperial Triptych'. This was a really tough part of the cycle to write. In 'Siegecraft', the speaker finds that the internal power he has gained over himself leads to external success, as well. More success, actually, that anything he anticipated. What I wanted to explore was the idea that this success can become a bit of a trap. At bottom, it's illusion. However, it can slowly come to be thought of as the source of that peace and power, which is actually only gained and maintained through inner truth via Zen.
The idea of a triptych came to me because getting all this across was leading to a really long and convoluted poem, so I needed some kind of structure that would allow me to get all of this across through images rather than resorting to a lot of preaching. I was paging through a book of painting by Hieronymus Bosch and came across several works of his that were done in the triptych form (click on the image to make it larger and see an example).
I immediately realized that a poetic version of a triptych was exactly what I was looking for. After that, it became very easy to break up the ideas I was trying to communicate into different poems and get this part done. The first and third poems are meant to mirror one another and yet present polar opposite situations. The second (or middle poem) offers a transition between the other two and provides insight into why they are different.
I'll start posting them one at a time, but it's pretty important to get the idea of how the parts of a triptych interact. If I ever published this in print, I wonder what would have to be done to lay out the three poems in order to replicate the idea of a triptych!
I'll start posting them one at a time, but it's pretty important to get the idea of how the parts of a triptych interact. If I ever published this in print, I wonder what would have to be done to lay out the three poems in order to replicate the idea of a triptych!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Siegecraft
poem 4 from The Ancient Elm
Outcast of the Untamed Wood,
I shine myself.
But willed or unwilled
such light draws eyes:
illuminating some,
blinding others.
For to be
is to sharpen the sword,
don battle armor,
and light the bonfire
enemies and allies
array themselves around.
The Castle Keepers
hear of me from oracles
of entrail and ash.
They contrive war -
the Wizard of the Ancient Elm
in their eyes a Knight of Swords.
Powerful in my mythology,
armored of myself,
outside of illusion,
my gaze blasts their walls,
shatters every gate,
scatters them before me.
Invincible Wizard-Knight,
I gallop into the Castle
to the people's adulation.
My banners flying proud,
trumpets, streamers, and flowers
bless my armor.
For the art of siegecraft
is to be...
and watch the world
wrap around you,
turning
wand to sword to scepter.
In this poem, I wanted to explore the idea that finding your true essence and 'shining' that can lead to you creating friends and enemies, because some people will like or dislike what you are. Some even see you as a threat (seeing the Wizard as a Knight of Swords). However, I've found that so long as you remain true to your essence discovered while meditating that you ultimately prevail. It doesn't mean that you win every battle, but that you ultimately find a place of peace and happiness. This is why I characterize the Wizard-Knight as invincible; it's possible to deter a person who has been enlightened but you cannot stop them in the long run. I also feel that when you are freed of illusion, there is a confidence that you exude that people are drawn to. So the speaker in the poem lays siege to the Castle merely by being and is embraced by the people he once ran from. Also, when you are enlightened, you are in control of yourself and your life, so the 'world wraps around you' (rather than you conforming to cope with the world). This turns the power of enlightenment and truth (the wand) to power (the sword) and ultimately to control over your own destiny (the scepter). At base, this is the idea that you do not need to contend or fight or strain overtly to prevail. You simply have to be and hold to that. All else follows.
Outcast of the Untamed Wood,
I shine myself.
But willed or unwilled
such light draws eyes:
illuminating some,
blinding others.
For to be
is to sharpen the sword,
don battle armor,
and light the bonfire
enemies and allies
array themselves around.
The Castle Keepers
hear of me from oracles
of entrail and ash.
They contrive war -
the Wizard of the Ancient Elm
in their eyes a Knight of Swords.
Powerful in my mythology,
armored of myself,
outside of illusion,
my gaze blasts their walls,
shatters every gate,
scatters them before me.
Invincible Wizard-Knight,
I gallop into the Castle
to the people's adulation.
My banners flying proud,
trumpets, streamers, and flowers
bless my armor.
For the art of siegecraft
is to be...
and watch the world
wrap around you,
turning
wand to sword to scepter.
In this poem, I wanted to explore the idea that finding your true essence and 'shining' that can lead to you creating friends and enemies, because some people will like or dislike what you are. Some even see you as a threat (seeing the Wizard as a Knight of Swords). However, I've found that so long as you remain true to your essence discovered while meditating that you ultimately prevail. It doesn't mean that you win every battle, but that you ultimately find a place of peace and happiness. This is why I characterize the Wizard-Knight as invincible; it's possible to deter a person who has been enlightened but you cannot stop them in the long run. I also feel that when you are freed of illusion, there is a confidence that you exude that people are drawn to. So the speaker in the poem lays siege to the Castle merely by being and is embraced by the people he once ran from. Also, when you are enlightened, you are in control of yourself and your life, so the 'world wraps around you' (rather than you conforming to cope with the world). This turns the power of enlightenment and truth (the wand) to power (the sword) and ultimately to control over your own destiny (the scepter). At base, this is the idea that you do not need to contend or fight or strain overtly to prevail. You simply have to be and hold to that. All else follows.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Zazen
poem 3 from The Ancient Elm
Deep in my Untamed Wood,
I gaze into a volume
of late autumn sky,
close my eyes,
become my breath,
vanish into seas of air.
echoes of wind in
Antarctic Wastes…
endless grasses tossing in
Great Plains…
bottomless blue of the
Caicos Deep…
In sympathy
I connect all places
and create…Nothing.
It is there I can
shine
myself.
Original light,
cleansed prism,
souvenir from my mythology
brought back
to this world
like a newborn star.
'Zazen' is the term used in Zen for sitting in meditation, so this poem is about what the speaker does when he goes 'outside' into the Untamed Wood as described in Wizard of the Wood. The Untamed Wood for me also represents escaping the place where things are ordered or structured based on illusion, which makes it harder to figure out what you need as opposed to what you are supposed to do. It is here that the speaker finds a clear sense of himself and a clear purpose. Meditation can give this because it is about reaching a place of quiet and peaceful reflection. At the same time, it's reaching a place where you are not thinking about anything per se.
The best way I heard it described is that ideas and thoughts come to you, but you only acknowledge them before letting them go. Sort of like if a helium balloon came near me. I would glance at it, softly tap it away, and go back to what I was doing. I usually think something like "That's interesting; I'll think about that later." If I think about anything it might be a koan I read.
In any case, reaching this point - called 'samadhi' - is a place that I find realizations and knowledge just come without effort because I've cleared my mind of clutter (illusion): 'am I going to get that promotion?', 'what is she saying about me?', 'what should I do about [insert current drama]?' etc.. Finding this knowledge is what is meant by 'shining myself', because so much of taking control of your life is just being true to yourself.
The last stanza explains the power of coming back from samadhi. I feel like I go back to my day-to-day life calmer and with a clearer sense of what is important and what is not, which includes drama I'm creating in my own head and things I can't really do anything about (and the not important stuff is most of what I - and most people - are usually wound up about). This is why Zen is so great; it frees you of illusions and lets you shine easily.
Deep in my Untamed Wood,
I gaze into a volume
of late autumn sky,
close my eyes,
become my breath,
vanish into seas of air.
echoes of wind in
Antarctic Wastes…
endless grasses tossing in
Great Plains…
bottomless blue of the
Caicos Deep…
In sympathy
I connect all places
and create…Nothing.
It is there I can
shine
myself.
Original light,
cleansed prism,
souvenir from my mythology
brought back
to this world
like a newborn star.
'Zazen' is the term used in Zen for sitting in meditation, so this poem is about what the speaker does when he goes 'outside' into the Untamed Wood as described in Wizard of the Wood. The Untamed Wood for me also represents escaping the place where things are ordered or structured based on illusion, which makes it harder to figure out what you need as opposed to what you are supposed to do. It is here that the speaker finds a clear sense of himself and a clear purpose. Meditation can give this because it is about reaching a place of quiet and peaceful reflection. At the same time, it's reaching a place where you are not thinking about anything per se.
The best way I heard it described is that ideas and thoughts come to you, but you only acknowledge them before letting them go. Sort of like if a helium balloon came near me. I would glance at it, softly tap it away, and go back to what I was doing. I usually think something like "That's interesting; I'll think about that later." If I think about anything it might be a koan I read.
In any case, reaching this point - called 'samadhi' - is a place that I find realizations and knowledge just come without effort because I've cleared my mind of clutter (illusion): 'am I going to get that promotion?', 'what is she saying about me?', 'what should I do about [insert current drama]?' etc.. Finding this knowledge is what is meant by 'shining myself', because so much of taking control of your life is just being true to yourself.
The last stanza explains the power of coming back from samadhi. I feel like I go back to my day-to-day life calmer and with a clearer sense of what is important and what is not, which includes drama I'm creating in my own head and things I can't really do anything about (and the not important stuff is most of what I - and most people - are usually wound up about). This is why Zen is so great; it frees you of illusions and lets you shine easily.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Wizard Of The Wood
poem 2 from The Ancient Elm
Chained by illusion
I sustain the Castle Keepers,
their gates and walls.
Until, a mere boy,
I dare the Untamed Wood –
outside…
Where trees become wands,
I live in an ancient elm.
Alone with secrets,
I can remember them.
Without twisting nature,
I gain power over it.
At my command:
illusions vanish,
the rainbow returns
to pure light,
and I reform the world
weaving my own mythology.
Now the Castle Keepers
matter not –
their gates and walls
do not signify –
for when illusion tempts me,
I go outside…
When I am chained,
I go outside…
When I need power,
I go outside…
This poem picks up with the idea of being lost in illusion, or a way of thinking and living that is not real and is not in your control. Although this is completely self-inflicted, it often seems to stem from people around us, our job, expectations, our life in general, etc. (the Castle Keepers). That's ultimately why I felt I had to get away via my Pete Retreat; it was the only way I felt I could shut all that stuff down long enough to escape illusion and think without distractions (alone with secrets, I can remember them). So the narrator in the poem becomes like a hermit/wizard and seeks enlightenment away from it all (where trees become wands). However, I also wanted to turn all that imagery on its head. There is no magic or mysticism to Zen, once you get outside of illusion by simplifying how you view things (the rainbow returns to pure light) you are able to find the wisdom you have inside and take control of your mind and life (weaving my own mythology). This is finding enlightenment. Once you experience enlightenment, you can mentally summon it at any time to center you and guide you so you can sidestep illusion. The more you learn about Zen, the easier it is to not be seduced by illusion, and this ultimately gives you serenity and power over the world around you.
Chained by illusion
I sustain the Castle Keepers,
their gates and walls.
Until, a mere boy,
I dare the Untamed Wood –
outside…
Where trees become wands,
I live in an ancient elm.
Alone with secrets,
I can remember them.
Without twisting nature,
I gain power over it.
At my command:
illusions vanish,
the rainbow returns
to pure light,
and I reform the world
weaving my own mythology.
Now the Castle Keepers
matter not –
their gates and walls
do not signify –
for when illusion tempts me,
I go outside…
When I am chained,
I go outside…
When I need power,
I go outside…
This poem picks up with the idea of being lost in illusion, or a way of thinking and living that is not real and is not in your control. Although this is completely self-inflicted, it often seems to stem from people around us, our job, expectations, our life in general, etc. (the Castle Keepers). That's ultimately why I felt I had to get away via my Pete Retreat; it was the only way I felt I could shut all that stuff down long enough to escape illusion and think without distractions (alone with secrets, I can remember them). So the narrator in the poem becomes like a hermit/wizard and seeks enlightenment away from it all (where trees become wands). However, I also wanted to turn all that imagery on its head. There is no magic or mysticism to Zen, once you get outside of illusion by simplifying how you view things (the rainbow returns to pure light) you are able to find the wisdom you have inside and take control of your mind and life (weaving my own mythology). This is finding enlightenment. Once you experience enlightenment, you can mentally summon it at any time to center you and guide you so you can sidestep illusion. The more you learn about Zen, the easier it is to not be seduced by illusion, and this ultimately gives you serenity and power over the world around you.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Illusion
poem 1 from The Ancient Elm
I know it's all illusion
somewhere in my mind,
delusions bleeding through the air
on wings of empty sky.
Personas wrapped around myself,
my path is doomed to err.
Running through a universe
I know is never there.
And every vision chased
will only dim my sight.
A thousand fingers beckoning,
and none of them are right.
I typicaly object to writers explaining their work. Art should stand on it's own, but this is my blog so I'll do what I want. Anyway, for the first poem of The Ancient Elm, I wanted to set up the cycle by introducing the speaker as someone who, like so many of us, is caught up in the drama (mostly self-inflicted), emptiness, and confusion of everyday life. I also used the rhyme and structure to indicate a kind of rigidity or prison. Illusion is a Zen concept that suggests this prison is self-imposed and comes from an unhappy illusionary world we each create around ourselves to the degree we are not able to control our minds and find wisdom.
I know it's all illusion
somewhere in my mind,
delusions bleeding through the air
on wings of empty sky.
Personas wrapped around myself,
my path is doomed to err.
Running through a universe
I know is never there.
And every vision chased
will only dim my sight.
A thousand fingers beckoning,
and none of them are right.
I typicaly object to writers explaining their work. Art should stand on it's own, but this is my blog so I'll do what I want. Anyway, for the first poem of The Ancient Elm, I wanted to set up the cycle by introducing the speaker as someone who, like so many of us, is caught up in the drama (mostly self-inflicted), emptiness, and confusion of everyday life. I also used the rhyme and structure to indicate a kind of rigidity or prison. Illusion is a Zen concept that suggests this prison is self-imposed and comes from an unhappy illusionary world we each create around ourselves to the degree we are not able to control our minds and find wisdom.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
The Ancient Elm
While I was on the first Pete Retreat (see earlier post), I put together the seeds for a cycle of poetry that became The Ancient Elm. The Ancient Elm started off as a kind of poetic expression of the process I experienced by going on the Pete Retreat and semi-cutting myself off from 'civilization', but eventually it got very layered and covered a bunch of things I was interested in at the time.
In addition to the Pete Retreat experience, I was exploring Zen, meditating with koans, and learning to control my mind. I was also approaching 40 and - while I certainly didn't regret it - I felt a need to reevaluate myself as a 'man' and not a 'young man'. I was really obsessed with male imagery (wizards, knights, emperors) and reading a lot of male-oriented literature (Le Morte de Arthur, the Iliad, Beowulf, Viking sagas, etc.). So there was all sorts of personal stuff going on and interesting inputs simmering in my brain. The perfect hatching ground for creativity!
The Ancient Elm ended up being about coming of age (not teen-age!), but transforming yourself from potential (a boy) into an actuality (a man). It's about becoming powerful though wisdom, but yet also embracing your physical strength...and some of the traps that lie along the way as you become your own man. Celebrating 'guyness', I guess. I'll start posting the poems, but here are the titles of the poems that make up The Ancient Elm:
Illusion
Wizard Of The Wood
Zazen
Siegecraft
Imperial Triptych
a. The Court Of The Sun
b. The Twisted Myth
c. Emperor Of Thorns
High Priest To Heretic
New Moon
The Myth Continues...
In addition to the Pete Retreat experience, I was exploring Zen, meditating with koans, and learning to control my mind. I was also approaching 40 and - while I certainly didn't regret it - I felt a need to reevaluate myself as a 'man' and not a 'young man'. I was really obsessed with male imagery (wizards, knights, emperors) and reading a lot of male-oriented literature (Le Morte de Arthur, the Iliad, Beowulf, Viking sagas, etc.). So there was all sorts of personal stuff going on and interesting inputs simmering in my brain. The perfect hatching ground for creativity!
The Ancient Elm ended up being about coming of age (not teen-age!), but transforming yourself from potential (a boy) into an actuality (a man). It's about becoming powerful though wisdom, but yet also embracing your physical strength...and some of the traps that lie along the way as you become your own man. Celebrating 'guyness', I guess. I'll start posting the poems, but here are the titles of the poems that make up The Ancient Elm:
Illusion
Wizard Of The Wood
Zazen
Siegecraft
Imperial Triptych
a. The Court Of The Sun
b. The Twisted Myth
c. Emperor Of Thorns
High Priest To Heretic
New Moon
The Myth Continues...
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