Civil Union Photos

Been a long time since I posted! And I haven't posted anything from the Civil Union ceremony! Okay, here we go! All the pictures are dumped into my hard drive and there's so many that I'm just not ever going to really organize them so I'm just going to start posting ones that catch my fancy or suggest a story to me.

This is one that my friend Cindy took and I just love it. I only wish I wasn't holding that bottle of beer. Perhaps I can photoshop that out, because I would really like to frame this one. It was taken after the ceremony when Jim and I were beset by people taking photos, which I thought brought such a nice celebratory energy to the post-ceremony party kick-off.

It's still hard for me to believe that this has actually happened. I guess I never really believed that in my lifetime I'd have the chance to see my relationship with Jim recognized like this. Such a long, long way from back in 1990 when I was a college student and rushed to my dorm room one day to write in my journal "I'm being really honest with myself; I think I might be HS." Couldn't even write the world 'homosexual' in my own private journal that I kept locked in my drawer and that no one ever saw.

It really does get better...

Merantau

Merantau is an Indonesian martial arts film featuring Iko Uwais. From what I gather the martial art that he practices is called silat.

Merantau is a pretty good film. Not as fast paced or intense as a Tony Jaa film, but definitely some interesting fight scenes. One thing I liked about the fight scenes is that Uwais' character (Yuda) actually gets knocked around a bit more than the hero is other martial arts films does. He gets hit and in one scene even gets the worse end of a beat down. It added a bit of realism to the movie, especially since Yuda is so young.

While the production is not terribly slick, the colors in the movie are really intense and there are some wonderful shots scattered about. As it turns out, Uwais is a reasonable actor and he invests his character with a positive, likable vibe. That said, there is only the barest of motivations given for why Yuda risks his life for the two orphans he meets, and I was confused as to how he could have been sent to Jakarta to a place that was torn down and no phone number available. Call ahead? Oh well, it's not all about the plot.

Like I said the pacing in Merantau was sometimes a little slow, and perhaps the movie spent a tad too much time advancing its serviceable plot than was needed, but I did enjoy this movie and I look forward to seeing more from Uwais.

18 Miles and Lots of Birds

Jim and I biked 18 miles yesterday morning, taking advantage of the break in the oppressive heat we've been dealing with here in Illinois. The ride broughtus to within a stone's throw of 200 miles (we're at 192) for the season. The path and roads were pretty wet from rain in the very early morning, so we were quickly coated with water and dirt up our backs. But we didn't care; it was wonderful just to be outside doing something again and not breathing air conditioned air.

Photo: Christopher Taylor

For some reason, we saw an awful lot of birds by Lake Whelon this time out. Perhaps because of the rain and the earlier hour, there were less people out (we did seem to run into a lot less traffic). Less people equal more animals. I'm not a bird watcher in general, but while biking I always like to take note of what I see. Have to rely on the web and a bird identification book Jim has in his library. So here's what we saw (click images to get see the pictures enlarged). First, I saw an ovenbird perched in a tree. It's not a spectacular bird, but I knew it was something different and I made a mental note to find out what it is.

Photo: rattlinantler

The first cool this we saw was a literal flock of goldfinches. I've seen these birds around singly and in small groups of two or three, but I'd never seen so many in one spot. They were all in an area thick with wildflowers, which I know draw them. As we road past, easily forty of them flew into the air and some flew parallel to us as if racing with us. That was awesome to see, as they are really very bright and their flight kind of graceful. It's actually probably not correct to describe them as a flock, since I wonder if these birds actively group. They seemed like a flock though, because there were so many of them.

Photo: Bill Thompson III

Next, I finally saw the 'bluebird' Jim has spotted several times on the path. He'd call out to me, but it'd be too late. I really began to wonder if I was ever going to see it because Jim was only seeing one at a time and at wide time intervals between rides/sightings. Yesterday, we saw two of them! And I finally got my view. Looking through photos online, I think this is an indigo bunting. What the phot doesn't capture is the sheer iridescense of their plumage. The dark blue shines almost like the inside of an oyster shell. Small, jewel-like bird.

Lastly, we saw two hawks feeding their young. Of course, we're guessing here. Two hawks flew across a marsh to an big tree well off the path. They both landed in the same spot and then there were a lot of scree!-scree! calls, which we assumed were chicks and that the two birds were feeding them. Lastly, we saw a huge grey egret standing in the DuPage River, probably fishing for a meal.

Overall, a nice relaxing ride and some good sightings.

Sites I Love: Laughing Squid

It's been a while since I have touted a specific website on Zen Throw Down. The thing is I don't have tons of links in my favorites, not am I trawling the blogosphere on a regular basis looking for hip new sites to wow my friends and readers with.

But I like this one, I have it in my favorites, and I check it out from time to time. Laughing Squid is a cornucopia of thoroughly random (yet almost always interesting) miscellanea. I'm always sure I'll find something fun or thought-provoking on here each time I log in.

It's in my links on this blog. Check it out! http://laughingsquid.com/

Perhaps 'Sites I Love' should become a new thread on here?

Haiku Thursdays

touch the pool
create no ripples
cool in August heat

Love Unfolds

Since the photos are still being posted, I decided to hold off for a few more days in a sentimental tidal wave of vignettes and photos on the blog. However, I will post the poem I ended up reading at the ceremony. Enough pics have come in so I can post one taken of me actually reading it. Hooray for the magic of facebook!

I wrote this in May 1998, almost two years after Jim and I met and just as we were buying the house. I remember that I was at Jim's duplex. He was working in his garden, and I was on the porch writing. I don't remember laboring over the piece especially. It was one of those that just 'came'. This version is actually a 'remixed version'. As noted in the prior post I felt it worked better than 'Voyager' but the original version seemed not exactly a fit for the ceremony. So I added some extra lines to bring it into line with the event.

Usually, I think this would bother me, but the idea of the poem seems to almost demand that it be re-written or added to as time goes by. I read this after the exchange of the vows and right before the big smooch to seal the deal.

Love Unfolds

I first felt love
as a child
when I planted
an acorn
in my parent’s yard,
carefully patted the earth,
watered it
with a jeweler’s precision,
only to forget it
the next day

Love changed with me
like the day
I saw a man
in the mirror
not a boy
or the day
I discovered who I am
and had the courage
to embrace it

Just as the sound of a breeze
in the leaves
sounds like
the sea upon the beach
sounds like
a spring shower,
love took many forms

But in all these years
I’ve never been able to name it—
anymore than I know the color
of sunbeams scattering
off a garden pond
or can name the day
spring unfolds each year
or map the direction of the road
that’s brought me to where I stand
in this moment

But there are moments of clarity
like now
as I stand with my soul mate
and I think about
the oak I planted as a child
in my parent’s yard,
its branches are arching up now
over above the house,
its trunk is strong
its roots are deep
its alive with birds and nests
squirrels and dragonflies,
and breezes that part the leaves
to reveal acorns
peeking through –
a hundred promises
waiting to be planted.

- Peter Cholewinski


I'm glad I chose the reworked version. It felt perfect in the moment!

Civilized At Last!

Jim and I officially tied the knot yesterday in warm, fun ceremony in our backyard with about 50 friends and family in attendance...and one unfortunate pig that formed the center of the ensuing feast. There wasn't a cloud in the sky (though it was a tad hot) and we had glorious sunshine all day! The pic on the right is the chalk 'welcome mat' spelled out on the driveway for arriving guests.

Since Jim and I have been together for 15 years, we asked that people not bring gifts. Of course, our friends and family were way to generous to want to comply with that. So we asked that instead of gifts people donate to the It Gets Better Project (itgetsbetter.org). In total, $1,000 will be going to the charity. I'm proud that we were able to make this ceremony more than just 'about us' and that we can help support something way more important in the grand scheme of things. A couple people who had not heard of the Project before this were in awe at the work being done and the stories being shared on the website.

We had a photographer, plus our friends were taking tons of photos. So I'll be posting all sorts of pics and stories from the ceremony over the next few weeks. Today, we're just going to relax, bask in our new state of civil-ness, and check out all the postings on facebook.

Civil Union Poem - Rejected!

Last launch of space shuttle Discovery

Well that's a little harsh as the poem is not a 'reject' by any means. I was stuck between two poems to read as part of the civil union ceremony. I asked Jim and our closest/oldest friends for an opinion. This one was written for Jim for our first Christmas together, and I thought it would be appropriate to read. However, I felt it was a little too short and not as rich in deeper feeling as I would like (maybe a little too Hallmark?). It was wonderful for its purpose, but it didn't seem to have enough 'gravity' to work in a ceremony.  I still love it and cherish it for its place in me and Jim's lives, so I thought I would post it in anticipation of our upcoming event:

Voyager


Galaxies of planets and stars
in unending space -
a universe of mysteries
where answers have no place.

A yearning to explore it all,
to understand and to know,
but no way to lift off,
to voyage and go.

I can bask in the summer sun
or swim in mountain streams,
but how can such moments
ever outshine impossible dreams?

Yet it happened one moment
I found a true heart -
a place of infinite wonder
with a voyage to start.

Mumonkan, Koan 19: Ordinary Mind Is The Way

Photo: Larry Landolfi

Joshu asked Nansen, "What is the Way?"
"Ordinary mind is the Way," Nansen replied.
"Shall I try to seek after it?" Joshu asked.
"If you try for it, you will become separated from it," responded Nansen.
How can I know the Way unless I try for it?" persisted Joshu.
Nansen said, "The Way is not a matter of knowing or not knowing. Knowing is delusion; not knowing is confusion. When you have really reached the true Way beyond doubt, you will find it as vast and boundless as outer space. How can it be talked about on the level of right and wrong?"
With those words, Joshu came to a sudden realization.

For me, this dialogue encapsulates everything important to know about rightmindedness. I've written about 'ordinary mind is the way' (what I call Everyday Zen) elsewhere in this blog and I believe that is what Nansen is referring to.

'Seeking after it' as Joshu proposes to do is like when we see a dog chasing its tail. We laugh at how silly it is to pursue something that one already has. Seeking after ordinary mind or samadhi is the same thing. There is no seeking, you simply have to allow yourself to experience it. And then learn not to be pulled away from it. If you actively 'seek' it you will find, like the dog chasing its tail, that it constantly eludes you.

Nansen's answer about 'knowing' is also very good. Ordinary mind is just being in the moment, divorced from knowing or being confused, right or wrong, faith or doubt, better or worse. It's the wind on my face. It's a leaf falling from a tree. It's a child riding a bike down the street. It's a storm rolling in. It's a blade of grass. It's standing in an elevator. Ordinary mind - or the Way - is everywhere and everything. I think that's what Nansen means by 'as vast and boundless as outer space'.

I know the picture is a bit 'cosmic', but the idea of the Way leading to something as vast as the Milky Way definitely captures this koan's meaning for me in a powerfully visual sense.

Haiku Thursdays

my footprints
erased by waves
sunburnt neck

News Update: Blogodometer, Back to Hapikido?, and More...

The odometer on my bike isn't working, and I've been too busy to fix it. So I'll be using Zen Throw Down to track my bike mileage. No way we're biking today. It has been pouring like crazy all weekend, with only a brief respite yesterday for a cook-out hosted by a couple we know. I drank too much and got a sleepy-buzz.

So the top story here is that last weekend we did another 24 miles and that takes the total up to 174. Far from earth shattering.

Other stories: my Hapkido master called the yesterday wondering where I have been. I explained the whole thing to him and he was good about it but...he pointed out: "if you're good enough to go to the gym then you can do martial arts" and "you know martial arts is better for you than the gym". Jim added: "You could just go to the gym to lift, stop doing treadmill, and have hapkido be your cardiovascular workout". So now I'm rethinking this whole decision to pull back from hapkido. I have to admit that I do miss it, and treadmill isn't anywhere near as much fun.

Civil union planning is all set, and we're ready to get 'civilized' this weekend. My parent will be staying with us and everything.

And we're planning to go back to St. John next year. Details at 10.

Ravinia & Rachmaninoff

Last night Jim and I joined his sister Kathy and her husband at Ravinia. There were three pieces by Rachmaninoff: The Bells, Vesna, and Rhapsody on a Theme by Paganini. Each had a chorus as part of the full orchestra. The first two included solo vocalists, and the final piece was led by Alexander Romanovsky, a very talented pianist. 

Of course, it was a sweltering night, but I was able to forget about it while the music was going. It was very nice to go back to the Ravinia venue, which I had not been to in twenty years or more. In fact, this is only my second time there. The pavilion seating is surrounded by a lawn with sculpture and tall trees, where extremely well equipped people camp out and listen to the music. They brought chairs, tables, china, wineglasses, candles, cookers, vases with flowers...it was a bit like a gypsy camp really.

Romanovsky was amazing. Really fantastic command of the keyboard. The video screens on either side of the stage sometimes had a shot from above showing his hands moving up and down the keyboard in these forearm-cramping arpeggios and all the wrist and hand flourishes one probably expects from an ace pianist.  However, I have to say I wasn't really taken by Rachmaninoff as a composer. The compositions were pretty bombastic, and the piano piece got too carried away with the pyrotechnics for my taste.

Hopefully it won't be another twenty years before I go again and maybe it'll be better weather!  Even with the heat though, it was fantastic to be outside and able to hear the crickets and feel a breeze while listening to music. Great ambiance!

Haiku Thursdays

April breeze
through tree leaves
thirty days to listen

Back to Piano!

The creative resurgence continues....

Just the other day, for no specific reason, I just had an urge to sit and play piano...and I could still rattle of the first several bars of Fur Elise by heart. Talk about something being stuck in long term memory! It was utterly effortless and I barely even had to think, my hands just knew where to go.

I've been coming home for lunch each day and getting fifteen minutes of practice in and then maybe a little bit when I get home. I'm picking up some of my old repertoire: a couple preludes I love by Chopin, Valse Sentimentale (Schubert), and a sonatina by Diabelli that I learned all the way through ten years ago. I'm so happy to be back on it. We'll see if this lasts.

Makes me not feel so bad about all the years I wasn't creative...you really can always come back to it.

Dry Pastels. Better Than Oil.

The oil painting thing just isn't working. I freak out every time I clean my brushes because I have to do it in the kitchen sink. I can so easily see myself doing something really disastrous to the kitchen. Plus it's probably really bad environmentally to be disposing of oils that way. So I was in this quandary. Do I need to pay rent for a studio space to continue? Then all of the sudden it hit me. Why am I stuck on oils? Why not use dry pastel crayons? I still have my supply.

I went on the web and got some ideas about how to work with them and then started on my first piece. So how was it? Well, I really enjoyed it. There is a bit of a painterly feeling to how you use them in terms of laying the colors on. Then again, it really is a different process in how they work because there is also a drawing feel to the experience. And...I really liked blending with my fingers and getting pigment all over my hands! Fun fun fun!

The piece I did was a landscape, but I was mostly just playing with how colors get laid out. Learning by doing. I was happy with the piece when it was done, but I refused to commit on a verdict until I put it away for a few days.  When I did come back, I could see it is not at all good. There's not enough variation in the tonality of the color, which makes the whole thing kind of flat and uninvolving. Also the perspective wasn't what I was after. But that's all fine. The first one or two dozen pieces are not going to be good. That's what happens when you're learning.  However, the fact that this medium works without me having a studio is good in terms of the likelihood of me continuing.

I was also struck - after coming back - that I perhaps I should use some fixative and continue laying down color. Maybe really labor over it. When I first began crafting my poetry rather than just writing them, I'd have work and rework poems, fix them, labor over the words I selected, write multiple drafts, etc. After a while, I developed a strong sense for how to work with poetry so that I didn't need to labor as hard to get what I was after. It's about honing the skill in using the tools you have in the medium.

The same is true with the dry pastels. I have to try to find time to keep doing it and just keep creating stuff and exploring how they work. Every piece I create, whether it's any good or not, will provide me with information on how to function. Kind of exciting and daunting all at once!

Another 26 miles

Yesterday we got another 26 miles in, so we're up to 150 for the season. We found the 'path' that goes off the Lake Whalon to connect to some of the paths going down into Bolingbrook. The paths here weren't that great and they didn't really go anywhere, so it looks like Will County (I think it's Will at that point) has some work to do. We lost the DuPage River Trail at a major street intersection but, according to the map, it's supposed to continue on. Maybe it's along a street until we get to the next park. We'll have to see.

The ComEd Greenway also doesn't seem to really go anywhere. I was hoping it would connect to something that would allow for riding back up towards Greene Valley. It looks like there's a proposed path, but nothing seems to have been built. Of course, we may have missed something so we'll have to keep exploring. If we can connect down to some of the trails to the South, I have a feeling we'll have access to some really long distance biking. Who knows what that could lead to?

Funny thing happened after this ride. We were out into the midday and got a bit of sun. Unfortunately, I had been wearing gloves. So now my hands are untanned and my forearms are tan. It looks pretty dorky. No more gloves!

The Invitation Has Been Sent...

...and the catering is scheduled, the judge is booked, the tent is rented, and the necessary paperwork has been completed. We're ready for the civil union to take place!

I'm thinking up all sorts of ideas for making the actual ceremony (brief as it will be) something to remember. Already have 14 confirmed guests so we're well on our way to a nice - but not overly large - group of friends and family to share in our event.

I love Bluntcards, and when I saw this one I just knew that it had to be in our invitation. Which it is (click for a larger view). Since some of the guests have threatened to bring gifts we'll be setting up a donation box for the It Gets Better Project. That's a much better place for the money to go.

Check the project out at: http://www.itgetsbetter.org/

The Fourth of July

Happy Birthday, America!

This weekend has been such a wonderful time spending time with Jim, connecting with friends, and taking it easy. As I mentioned, it kind of started with my dinner with Gretchen, then the team outing where I got a chance to attempt canoeing, and more recently Jim and did a 25 mile bike ride before I had lunch with my good friend Cindy. Cindy's a hoot because she knows me well enough to call me on my bullshit and yet laugh with me about it at the same time. Then it was on to the fireworks for a dazzling show with perfect weather. Nice thing about our location is we have an awesome viewing location and yet it only takes us about five minutes to get home.

This morning, Jim and I did another bike ride. This one was 18 miles, which brings the season total to 124 (so far). This ride was one of those magical things that happen in life; a surprise where you least expect it.

For some time we have biked from our house to a nearby path that leads to a forest preserve and back. Usually this is about a 17-18 mile ride. We were looking forward to it this time because there had been a whole bunch of construction at this busy intersection and the story was that this intersection (getting across it being a major buzz kill to a biker) had been reworked with tunnels going underneath the streets so no need to cross with the cars. We were eager to see what it was like. The work done is phenomenal! It hasn't disrupted the path much either, so they did a great job. We followed the path down to where we normally turn off to get to the forest preserve when - surprise! - the path kept going!

We decided to follow it to see how much longer this path went for. It just kept going and going and going! We ended up biking along the DuPage River, through a forest preserve, past wetlands/marshes and lakes, and finally ended with a big circuit around Lake Whalon (see not so great picture), a gorgeous looking lake in the next county.  Even saw a bird suicide bomb into the lake to snag a fish. It was really a gorgeous ride, and I kept thinking "it's going to end here", but then we'd turn the corner and the trail kept right on going. There's even an indication that the work isn't over.  Apparently, the DuPage River Trail is being extended and connected with existing paths to provide access to a considerable distance. Who would have thought that this morning we would bike from home and within five minutes be on a gorgeous path that we'd never been on before and (apparently) will soon go on and on and on? Fantastic!

I love it when life offers a surprise this!

Mumonkan, Koan 18: Tozan's 'Masagin'

A monk asked Tozan, "What is Buddha?"
Tozan replied, "Masagin!*"
* three pounds of flax

I read a version of this koan some time ago and, in that version, the reply was "birdshit!" So either Sekida is a better translator, or he's loathe to use bad language. LOL!

Anyway, Buddha is reality. That includes flax, birdshit, and all mundane objects as well as the beautiful. Direct perception of reality is buddha mind.

Tozan's reply also points to another idea. It is easiest for us to have true perception with something like flax, because our minds attach no real significance to it. True perception occurs before our minds interpret what we see, assign meaning to it, judge it, categorize it, etc. Now if you consider art, a political speech, a religious 'truth', etc. we've programmed our minds with thoughts, right/wrong, beliefs, traditions, mores, feelings, etc. and it is harder to have immediate perception. Instead we let that programming take over.

Zen is about disciplining the mind to remove that clutter and allow direct perception to take place. Only then are we able to grasp truth or reality. It's not that you banish your opinions or feelings altogether, but you learn not to substitute them for perception. They are all responses and, as such, are paths away from buddhamind and towards delusion.

Mumon's verse had a terrific couplet in it that really spoke to me:

"Those who argue about right and wrong
are those enslaved by right and wrong"

The debates of right and wrong, good or evil, remove us from direct perception and keep us locked in our delusional thinking about reality. They require debating opinions about reality, which is already two steps removed from perception. It's arguing about clutter. Politics is a good example. You can tell in a lot of debates on the subject that people are either Republican or Democrat and that they argue the 'party line'. Or with people of different religions who are determined that their view is right and others are wrong.

This kind of debate never has anything to do with truth or right/wrong but in preserving our perceptions of it against a challenge so we do not have to make the difficult effort to escape delusion and reconnect with reality. When someone is in this delusional, cluttered mindset, they are all response. They are not thinking deeply (or at all), just reacting. Ultimately, that may be the point. For religious and political parties to fight their battles and prevail, it is best to have adherents who think as they are 'programmed' to. By creating adversaries to fight (other parties, other religions, other groups), the adherents remain lost in delusion and are easily controlled.

My Dinner With Gretchen

I had a client meeting in the city, and this was a chance for me to connect with my one of my very oldest friends. We met up on Michigan and walked from Monroe up to the the Museum of Contemporary Art for drinks. It was a glorious day, and I had to work off my lunch before I could enjoy a proper dinner.  Of course, the conversation didn't wait and - as usual - we dove right in: careers, relationships (what is an approrpriate term for our 'boyfriends' when we're in our 40s?), religion, art, and of course life updates. We always have a lot of ground to cover.

We decided to go to Firefly on Halsted for dinner but it was closed...boo hoo! So we wandered a bit and, after seeing the menu for Tapas Gitana (used to be Arco), we decided for sure we needed this. We must have been there for two or three hours sitting right by the open french doors and people watching - but mostly carrying the conversation into all areas deep, risque, and dreaming. Our waitress was totally cool and fun, and we ended up getting this fantastic bottle of red Spanish wine that we just killed.

Plus the food was fantastic!!! So I have to give a shout out to Tapas Gitana overall.  Go there!!! It made me remember how much I love tapas. Our experience was so relaxed as we tried many different things:

• Calamares A La Plancha - My second favorite cephalopod flavored with garlic, lemon and olive oil. Cooked perfectly (i.e., tender to firm but not rubbery)!
• Champiñones Rellenos - Big mushrooms full of spinach, garlic, and cheese. A mouthful of flavor!
• Montaditos de Cerdo - Pork and caramelized red onions on a sort of bruschetta. Orgasm on a plate!
• Pechuga de Pato - Duck breast with lentils, couscous, and a mushroom sauce. Mmmmm!

All of the food was delicious, and we also had dessert too. For all that, it was only my crazy high tip that took us over $100. Totally wonderful experience!
 
The ultimate cap was to walk after dinner (one of the things I will never stop missing about city life). We tried to go to Chicago Comics but they were closing (at 9PM on a weekday...how dare they!). The next day was mostly made up of the team event where I went canoeing for the first time (see last post), so this was a great way to ease into my holiday weekend while catching up with Gretchen.

New Experience: Canoeing

Photo: Wiley & Wales

At a team outing yesterday, I was able to get my first ever experience with canoeing. Of course, it was nowhere near as idyllic as this picture would suggest. We had two rowers in my canoe, and we kept going in circles! We got some instruction from another team member about which side to paddle on and how to steer, and that helped a lot. However, we always ended up eventually going in circles again. Very frustrating.

Still we had a good time, and I'm happy I tried it. At the times when I felt I was steering correctly (I was in the back of the canoe), it felt really cool. I could really feel I was working the water correctly, and I was able to build up excellent speed when I was doing it right. But then I would think about it too much and mess myself up.  In any case, it was a workout for sure because nothing requires more energy than being inept.

The canoes were about $10/hour if I'm not mistaken. Maybe I'll go out alone next time to improve my skills. At the least, I've added another activity to the list of athletic stuff I've done!

27 Miles and Unseen Frogs/Toads

With this 27 mile ride this past weekend, we're up to 81 miles for the season. I wanted to go 30 miles, but luckily Jim vetoed that. By the time we got back to the car, I was starving. It's no fun at all to finish a ride with your stomach growling.  I'll have to start bringing granola bars or something.

Anyway, no animal stories to share this time, although we heard a lot of things along the path. There's a lot of marshes as you go north from Wheaton and, at one point, we heard loads of frogs or toads or something croaking in the reeds. It sounded like a little engines running off-kilter or something.

It reminded me of last year when I road along the path and saw a big, fat bullfrog about the size of a large grapefruit just sitting on the side of the path sunning himself. Frogs or toads appear every so often on the path, but they are shy and quickly hop away. There was one that had really long legs and was bright green. A high leaper, he was gone almost as quickly as I saw him. Still, his coloring was the purest, brightest green you can imagine.

Not sure there'll be a chance for riding this weekend, as we are facing the Fourth of July. Usually there are too many families wandering the path for it to be any fun at all. They just hog the path and when you call out the friendly warning "passing on your left!", they ignore you or step to the left (???) or get all offended.

I prefer the toads.

Mumonkan, Koan 17: Chu the National Teacher Gives Three Calls

Page from the original Mumonkan

The National Teacher called his attendant three times, and three times the attendant responded. The National Teacher said, "I long feared that I was betraying you, but really it was you who were betraying me."

Chu summons his attendant who always responds. There is an element here akin to what was covered in Koan 16, When the Bell Tolls (see entry: http://zenthrowdown.blogspot.com/2011/05/mumonkan-koan-16-when-bell-tolls.html). This is about how we deal with external stimuli.

Chu is wondering whether he is betraying his attendant by summoning him and placing him in the position of responding to a stimuli just like the bell in koan 16. He is revealing his attendant's response to such stimuli. This is poor training for his attendant.

However Chu realizes that, in fact, it is he who is wrong-minded not his attendant. It is he who is initiating the entire stimulus. We also do not know his reasoning for summoning the attendant, but the fact that he has to do it three times suggests a lack of focus or clarity. Why not summon him one time for what is needed? Why summon him at all? Why have an attendant to summon?

In truth, the attendant's responsiveness betrays Chu by revealing his expectation of a response. The attendant's faithfulness encourages Chu in this reliance, and he initiates it over and over. While an attendant could practice everyday Zen in his duties, the person who summons is unlikely to be in the correct mindset. Rather than practicing everyday Zen or sitting in zazen, they are summoning or interacting or needful of the world around them (i.e., wrong-minded).

After I had my solution, I read Mumon's verse and notes and feel like I reacted to this in somewhat the same way he did. His verse here was:

"He carried an iron yoke with no hole
And left a curse to trouble his descendants
If you want to hold up the gates and doors
You must climb a mountain of swords with bare feet"

A yoke is obviously a form of imprisonment, but a yoke with no hole would be imprisonment not by prison bars, fetters, or a yoke on your neck. Instead, you are imprisoned by a burden you carry (a wrong way of thinking). If you want to attain enlightenment (line 3), do it yourself. Better to be yoked in fact and labor than to carry a pointless burden to no end. The former allows for the possibility right mindedness, the latter can only be delusion.

Adventures in Sushi: Uni

Back towards the end of last year, I acquired my taste for sushi. Since then, I've tried a whole bunch of different stuff. Rolls of all kinds, which are absolutely fantastic. I've also enjoyed seaweed salad, and of course there are the individual pieces of seafood. I've been able to work with the ginger and a tad - a taaaad - of wasabi. The latter really surprises me, because the first time I tried wasabi I thought it smelled like industrial waste and tasted like chemicals.

I've had - and love - tako (octopus), ika (squid), and fish eggs (forget what that's called). I think I've tried eel too, but not sure. My most adventurous sushi experience was uni - a premium sushi always listed at 'market price'. It's sea urchin...you know those spiny purple brown balls that wash up on the beach?

I had it at a team outing, which was good because uni does not look appetizing at all (see the picture). It resembles a hairy, orange tongue.  I'm not sure but - without the peer pressure to eat it after having declared my intention to do so - I might have chickened out. No joke, it was gushy, squishy, and tasted ghastly. But at least I can say I've tried sea urchin.

Perhaps the wasabi sauce would have helped with this particular experience.

Our Civil Union is Moving Forward

Yikes, I haven't posted in a while! Update: Jim and I have been putting together plans for our civil union ceremony and party. Even with the scaled back approach we're taking there's a lot of planning to do. No wonder the straights plan this stuff out a year in advance.

We finally settled on a date and that we would have a party in the backyard with a brief ceremony to kick things off. Jim and I had some real debates about all this, and I even coined the term Groom Kong to describe us (though it turns out the term is already in Urban Dictionary so I'm not nearly as clever as I thought).

I'm hoping we can make the ceremony really fun, with the 'wedding party' dancing down the aisle or something like that. Then we do the ceremony itself, hopefully with a judge there. And I'm trying to find a poem of some kind to read...preferably one of my own that speaks to our relationship in some way.

We've got the tent and chair rentals taken care of and a caterer to do a pig roast for us. So it should be a great time. The only worry we have is all the rain we've been getting. This crap better clear up before our party!

Haiku Thursdays

Not one of my haiku. This is by one of the great masters (if not the greatest) Matsuo Basho (1644-1694). I picked it because it's a Summer haiku, and it helps usher in Summer in relaxed way.

Skylark
Sings all day,
And day not long enough

Ong-Bak 3

In my prior post I reviewed Ong Bak 2 which, despite its serious drawbacks went on to become Tony Jaa's most successful film yet. To clean up the loose ends left by the disorganized and chaotic production, the studio went ahead and made a third film - Ong Bak 3 - but this movie is no less a hot mess than Ong Bak 2. It's just a different kind of hot mess.

Ong Bak 3 has a clearer story than its predecessor. But instead of just tying up all the loose ends from Ong Bak 2, the third movie adds more subplots! We learn that there's a curse on...all Thailand? The village? Oh, I don't know! There's a curse. The evil king has captured and is slowly torturing Tien (Jaa) to death while uttering the most cliched Jabba the Hutt bad guy laugh ever - literally: hah hah haaah! hah hah haaah!). However, he's also going nuts because - as we learn from yet another flashback - he poisoned his predecessor to get the throne. Then there's that weird crow fighter. He's back and turns out to be some kind of evil spirit (I think?) who wants to take the throne so that he can...um, I have no idea why this crow-spirit-thing exists or what it's really after. Meanwhile, Tien is rescued deus ex machina by royal decree and carted off to his village to slough off his vengeful nature through meditation. It got to the point where I just didn't care! "Please Ong Bak 3!" I screamed. "Pick a plotline, any plotline, and just get on with it!"

Ong Bak 3 is filmed with a much more appealing style, so the feel of the movie is less oppressive that the first sequel/prequel. We even get some beautiful shots of Thailand, as opposed to the muddy, rainy slopheap Ong Bak 2 seemed determined to portray Thailand as. However, this improvement is undermined as Ong Bak 3 takes on a religious subtext that is truly from outer space. Nothing against a religious subtext, but this stuff is nutty with a capital freak and I couldn't figure out what religion this subtext is supposed to reflect. There's tons of Jesus imagery: the 'chosen one' dies a death of crucifixion level violence, is resurrected, and then provides salvation to his people. Jaa even grows a beard and wears white when fighting the evil crow spirit, and he hurls his wooden staff down to put everyone on alert that he's there to free the slaves. Moses and Jesus all wrapped up in one? Yeesh. The whole thing is so heavy handed that it quickly goes over the line (WAY over the line!) and becomes a messianic ego-trip for Jaa.

There's some Buddhist/Zen Buddhist philosophy rattling around in the script like a loose pebble in a rusty bucket, but it seems more like window dressing than anything seriously presented. But the worst aspect of religious theme is the over the top supernatural aspects. For example, the crow spirit summons an eclipse at one point, and at another sends wicked black smoke at a monk (never did figure out that the heck that smoke was all about). Later, Tien summons white lighting after he dispels the eclipse. What religion does all this hocus-pocus bullcrap come from? Wicca maybe? No, I can't even say that because it'd be insulting to Wiccans. Long story short, a religious subtext has to have some kind of consistent morality or philosophy. Otherwise it's just a whole bunch of crazy.

Worst of all - for all the backstory in these two movies - by the end of Ong Bak 3 I still have little understanding of what and why most of the action in the film took place. Why is killing Tien so important to the evil king? Why did he kill Tien's parents? Why did the king's boss allow Tien to live? How did Tien end up captured by the slavers? Why does the one guy become a monk? What does Tien learn that makes him turn around? And, if he learned it, why does he go from monk to monkey and literally bite a hunk out of a guy's neck in the final fight? What caused the 'instant replay/do over'? It's hard to take Ong Bak 3 seriously or become invested in the characters when there's no clue as to what's driving or at stake for any of them.

At the end of watching these two movies (total running time of three hours), I felt like there was definitely a good Tony Jaa flick buried in there somewhere. However, it's lost in a mix-master script of ridiculous and overwrought plots/subplots and a lack of logical flow that would give the story elements coherence. The movie takes itself far too seriously and, while some of the fight scenes are good, others are sub par and the use of wire-fu is truly disappointing. Despite the obvious potential and panache used to film these movies and the evident potential, they fall far short of being enjoyable on just about any level and come off as pretentious, dull, and ridiculous.

Hopefully this is just a slip-up for Jaa, and his next offering will be tighter and more focused. He's too good of a performer to throw in the towel!

Ong-Bak 2

Ong Bak 2 and Ong Bak 3 combine to form a single story that is a prequel to Tony Jaa's wonderful Ong Bak. The story told in these movies takes place 600 years earlier than the modern day Ong Bak and, further, the two stories have nothing in common. So if you like Ong Bak you do not have to see installments 2 & 3. That's good because although this pair of movies tell an epic story with great potential, these movies are what is commonly referred to as 'a hot mess'. I'll start with Ong Bak 2 and then review the third movie in tomorrow's post.

Tony Jaa could never be accused of not trying hard enough. His movies are filled to the brim with plot, subplot, characters of all kinds, wicked villains, and exceptional fight scenes. Of course, Jaa's skills as a martial artist are truly amazing and his movies really deliver, so much so that this viewer finds them almost a bit too much! Unfortunately, Ong Bak 2 is too much. It tries to cover too much ground in a single story and ends up delivering well on nothing. There's a complex political backstory, a love story, a coming of age subtext, and lots of fighting. Since none of these pieces of the movie are fully developed, Ong Bak 2 comes off like a victim of multiple personality disorder. All the different plotlines come forward and then vanish, shouting over each other in a confusing train wreck of storytelling.

Part of the reason the movie turned out so badly is that production of Ong Bak 2 - which was really supposed to be a complete film without a sequel - turned into a Francis Ford Coppola-style debacle: out of control cost overruns, power struggles with the studios, and Tony Jaa apparently disappearing in the middle of shooting for two months. This chaos is clearly reflected in the resulting movie: Ong Bak 2 is so confusing with all its flashbacks, time shifting, and patched-up ending that you wind up lost as to what's going on and what the thread of the story is.

Ong Bak 2 is also filmed in a very dark and overly dramatic manner, with self-conscious cinematography, unnecessary slo-mos and cuts, constant surging music, and strange color effects (not sure what the technical term for that is). And - to underline the dire IMPORTANCE of all that is happening - it is raining pretty much non-stop in this movie. Ong Bak 2 spares no expense to look great, but Tony Jaa (playing a nobleman's son named Tien) is another story. He's truly hideous in his rat's nest of long hair and just hard to look at without wincing. There are also scenes where the color and lighting make him look like Michael Jackson. Creepy!

Finally, while Ong Bak 2 has some good fights, several fall flat. This is very surprising for a Jaa film. Slo-mos clearly reveal the weak contact between Jaa and his opponents, undermining the impact of the fights by letting us clearly see that they are - of course - staged for the camera. Elsewhere fast cuts render many of Jaa's moves impossible to follow. Lastly, the film makes use of wire-fu, shocking considering Jaa has always seemed to pride himself on presenting the real deal.

Ong Bak 2 desperately needed its sequel in order to make sense, provide a resolution, or any viewing satisfaction. The third film was an attempt to provide an emergency clean-up effort after this runaway debacle slammed into a brick wall and splattered onto DVD.

Getting 'Civilized'!

The ability for gays and lesbians to have our relationships and families recognized has finally arrived! The first civil unions have been conducted in the state of Illinois! This is a picture of Lakeesha Harris and Janean Watkins, the first couple in Illinois to get 'civilized'!

Jim and I have begun planning our ceremony. It's going to be low key and unpretentious. After all, we've been together nearly 15 years so doing the whole production wedding just doesn't seem necessary. We're planning to have a brief ceremony in the backyard, with friends and family in attendance, and then move right into a fun summer cookout/party!

Picking a date is the first step, and we're thinking sometime in August. That would end up placing it right around our anniversary. I can't wait!

21 Miles and a Great Plains Rat Snake

We hit the trails again this weekend and did 21 miles. Season total is now up to a 38 miles. Very unimpressive, but it's still very early. Good weather and a nice ride overall.

Just north of the trail head in downtown Wheaton, we came upon a 2.5 long great plains rat snake! I've never seen any snake as big as this one on the paths before. He was huge! He was just lying on the path stretched out and sunning himself. I tried to scare him off the path so he wouldn't get run over or bite an unsuspecting jogger, but he wouldn't budge. He reared up his head like he was getting ready to strike and began wriggling his tail real fast like he was a rattlesnake. From what I've read, when these snakes shake their tails in dry leaves they can create a sound that is very much like a rattlesnake.

Seeing he wouldn't move, we went on. Then Jim reminded me I had my phone (and therefore my camera)! So we scooted back to take a pic but, by then, the snake had had enough of all the humans around and was slithering off into the undergrowth on the side of the trail. Two trips in a row with animal sightings. Looking to be a good cycling season, even if it did get started horribly late.