Frozen

We've had wind chills overnight of -30 and single digit highs during the day, but I'm not talking about only the weather.

My sinus issues continue to keep me from going to martial arts. I plan to go and then find myself not getting enough air and getting tired or having a headache. Kind of depressing. This problem is also either stopping me from working out...or my increasing inertia is snowballing and just killing my drive to do anything. Lastly, there's decisions being made at work relating to whether or not I get a well-deserved promotion that will make a big difference in my choices career-wise. Until all these different things are resolved, I'm kind of frozen. It's not a good feeling for me, and it's slowed me down in meditating as often, writing (no haiku lately), posting on this blog, planning our vacation, meeting up with friends, etc.

Part of it is the upcoming surgery, which I know will knock me on my back for at least a week. Part of it is not knowing about the promotion. Part of it is the weather. It all is creating a kind of burned-out feeling, as if everything in my life is 'on pause'. Of course, I can't blame anyone for this except myself. I should have enough spine to just get up off my ass and change the direction of things if I don't like it, but I honestly don't seem to want to (which makes me feel even worse).

I'm probably being way too hard on myself. With all the unknowns and a surgery coming up, maybe I'm just instinctively cocooning myself. You know, just bracing myself for the big changes (good and/or bad) that I know are coming.

Anyway, that's why my postings have slowed down a bit lately.

The good news is that everything should be resolved fairly soon. The surgery will happen within a month (including all the pre-surgery doctor's visits and tests), and I think in the next couple weeks I'll know whether I have a career at my present employer or just a job. I may not be able to do anything about the weather, but winter should be less harsh about two months from now. So I guess I'm just allowing myself to slow down a bit and chill (no pun intended) and wait for the better times ahead since there's nothing much I can do to make the wheels spin faster.