Final Stage of Recovery?

Not to be gross, but there's a lot of old and dried blood that you drain after the sinus operation. I think the bulk of it is gone now, and I'm much more clear headed than before. I have still have some congestion due to whatever is left in my head just sitting up there, and that can make me a little off on my balance.  In any case, I will try to go to work tomorrow, though I need to take it easy and not push myself too hard.

Tuesday, I go to the doctor so he can 'flush out' my sinuses with fluid.  I'll also get more solid timelines for when I can work out, fly, swim, etc.

Breathing is a little bit better than before the surgery, but I do not anticipate the real improvement to occur until at least the flushing. Not sure what the steps are after that, but we'll see.

Haiku Thursday

i ran
forgot my aim
gasping

...and just when I thought it couldn't get worse

I get a cold! Imagine yourself draining and tired and miserable, and then you get a temperature and a fever. This just gets better and better! Of course, I had to call the doctor to make sure there wasn't any potential issue (there isn't), and blowing my nose is still off limits. I got the fever down with Tylenol, but I spent most of the day in a narcoleptic daze watching Jerry Springer and that hillbilly fraud Dr. Phil. Bad, bad day.

This morning I feel much improved. Still kind of stuffed in the head, but the draining seems to be a lot easier. Having learned my lesson, I'm not going to push it. More bed rest and quiet for me until I see definite signs of improvement. Still, I wasn't exhausted from eating breakfast this morning; that's got to be a good thing.

In Which Peter Learns He's Not Invincible

I had trouble sleeping last night in the upright position, so I got up early (as I usually do) and surfed the web a bit. Bouncy as can be, I was thinking how in another day or so I should be ready for my doctor visit and why did the doctor suggest that I rest up so long? I told Jim I was much better and even suggested I could carry the overloaded laundry basket down the stairs to do laundry. Note: Jim is doing the laundry, and I didn't carry anything downstairs but my tired ass when I needed to eat.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. Tired. Dead tired. Napped all morning. Still tired.   

Recovery Going Surprisingly Well

Lots of sleeping, but I have to say my recovery is going very well. The anesthesiologist said that docs have moved away from Demerol for out-patient procedures. That means no (or very little) post-op nausea; I've had none. While I'm not hungry, I've had no trouble eating a little something (though that toast disagreed with my throat post-breathing tube). I think I was also lucky in that I did not end up needing a stint as part of the corrective surgery on my septum, and I've needed minimal packing inside my nose.

I wear gauze taped under my nose to soak up all the post-op drip (how's that for delicately wording it), I have a saline spray that I use in my nostrils to keep the 'flow' from drying up and clogging, and I had to sleep last night propped up. But otherwise, I can't say I'm all that inconvenienced or uncomfortable. I slept well all night. Guess I'd have to say that the worst part is dry throat from the breathing tube. My only real pain was during the first few hours after the surgery, and I'm not taking any pain killers. Just antibiotics.

Mentally, I'm perfectly coherent though pretty fragile. Just kind of quiet and meek and emotional (clearly not myself, in other words). I can't focus on anything that requires deep thought without being tired out, and after 24 hours in bed and being wheeled around I'm unsteady on my feet. There will be some post-op doc visits, and I can feel a little clogging in my airways as things heal (all as expected).

Net-net, I'm happy I did this! I think it's going to do wonders for my overall quality of life.

Mmmmm! I'm getting my appetite back!

Sinus Surgery

Back from surgery, and things are going very well. Lots of things about my first surgery/general anesthesia were jarring experiences, but I had great doctors and nurses who made everything very comfortable for me. Will be dozing and recovering a lot today.

Best part is that I can already tell that my airways are much more open! And Jim is being so wonderful! I feel very safe and protected and cared for right now. And Fermi is sleeping at the foot of the bed to keep me company. I feel very fortunate right now.

Sinus Issues

Tomorrow is my surgery. My first surgery ever. General anesthesia and everything. Glad I'll be knocked out for it. I'll wake up to find my nose and sinuses stuffed with cotton or whatever it is they cram up there to help it heal, will likely be out of it most of tomorrow, and then I'm sure there will be loads of pain.

I wasn't really too concerned about it, but I have to admit I am a little nervous. It's not like it's a risky procedure. In fact, I've been amazed how many people I know or meet or have either had it done or known someone close to them who has. Still, I'll be happy when it's over.

I treated myself to pizza and now I'll have some cookies. Have to stop eating and drinking (even water) as of midnight).

Wish me luck!

Mumonkan, Koan 12 (continued): Loose Marble

I've had a few zazen sessions away from the koans, but the most recent one (see last post) has been rattling around in my head. It feels like that game where you try to get the loose marble into holes. Each time you make a move to get the solution, you knock some part of it loose. However, I was sure there was something about my thinking that wasn't quite complete. Over the past couple of days, little thoughts would pop in my head about koan 12, and I think I've come to a realization of sorts. Or at least the beginning of one.

The realization is that some of my difficulty in expressing my 'solution' has to do with definitions. Things like 'finding truth'. Whether it's 'inside' or 'outside'. Whether one learns from a teacher or is masterless or learns from oneself. I got a glimpse of an idea that all of this thinking is wrong-minded. It's all delusion.

This delusion centers on creating compartments or egos or describing what I'm finding. I suppose it's okay to attempt to express things, but words are really tricky. They're never quite precisely correct in covering what I'm trying to say, and this imprecision can lead to me adopting ideas that are a) not at all what I learned in zazen, and b) wrong and deluding. This is probably part of why transmission of zen has traditionally been a wordless process from master to master over the centuries.

'Finding truth' is not the point. 'Inside' and 'outside' are meaningless distinctions. Learning comes when I'm in samadhi, and all this teacher/no teacher stuff that I'm on about is irrelevant. Piercing delusion is ultimately about throwing away the trappings of how my mind talks about existence. Existence is, and I experience it. Period. There are no words, or thought, or analysis necessary (or desirable), because the words, thinking, and analysis insert delusion into the experience.

I may not be expressing this clearly (probably not), but I think this is the tip of a really big iceberg that will come clearer the more I let it rattle around loose in my head. I don't want to necessarily 'figure it out'. I'd like to let the marbles keep rolling around and see what happens.

PS: This whole thing feels much like what I was trying to say in my last Haiku Thursday entry. In that haiku, the experience of seeing a beautiful fall scene is destroyed by consciously thinking about it. No longer is the speaker in the haiku experiencing the scene with immediacy; he is now experiencing it through the perceptual and analytic lens of his mind and hence it is distorted.

Mumonkan, Koan 12: Zuigan Calls His Master

Zuigan Gen Osho called to himself every day, "Master!" and answered "Yes sir!" Then he would say, "Be wide awake!" and answer "Yes sir!" "Henceforward, never be deceived by others!" "No, I won't!"

Zuigan - and all of us - are our own teachers in that we can experience Zen through being in zazen and samadhi and that is something we do on our own. Truth doesn't come from outside of us. So in a sense, we are our own Masters. The last statement in particular made me chuckle, because who except ourselves can really give this advice without there being a certain irony in it? We must enter samadhi in zazen and trust what we experience there.

However, there is an aspect to this koan that I missed completely. I didn't pick it up until I read Mumon's notes. Zuigan makes a critical error in that he is identifying himself as his Master. In my thinking, the 'self-Master' concept is just that - a concept. But Mumon suggests that it can be a slippery slope to think of things this way because you can literally start to believe that you are teaching yourself.

So I must be clear in my thinking: I am not my own Master, nor am I teaching myself. I am learning alone. There is a huge difference in mindset between these two ways of looking at it. The former suggests a kind of egotism, and the idea of Zuigan actually conversing with himself reflects the absurd of this view. I may be learning while in samadhi, but I cannot confuse that with the idea that I am actively teaching myself. I am not my teacher, I am learning while masterless. This is so important because to slip into the former way of thinking would be delusion on a grand scale. I would be no better off than if I were taking instruction from an incompetent teacher (which is exactly what I would be). The fact is, Zuigan or I or anyone may well avoid being deceived by others, only to end up being deceived by ourselves. This is probably the far more common and dangerous pitfall to begin with.

After thinking about this, I decided that I want to make sure I have zazen sessions divorced entirely from koan study. I'm worried that this 'working through the Mumonkan' project may be placing my zazen time into a place of ego-driven progress ("I've solved another koan, so someone give me a gold star!"). I must have this mentality in my head to some level because, if I did not, I wouldn't have been so determined to solve Koan 11. I would likely have recognized that I just didn't get it and have moved on.

Haiku Thursday

Okay, so it's not Thursday. But I've been lax lately so I'm trying to get back into the saddle with postings and such. I wrote the initial seed for this haiku back in November, and I've come back to it every so often since then to sharpen the edges and polish the facets.

sun on amber leaves
just one conscious thought
destroys the beauty

Unfrozen

I got the promotion I had been fishing for over the last 5-6 months. This makes a big difference as now I know I'll be sticking around the company I work at. That means I can join the gym in the building and start working out again with real equipment, as opposed to my home work outs which had become somewhat limited due to how much weight I can safely work with using dumbbells.

Two weeks until my sinus surgery, so that'll be done soon. And then it'll be back to hapkido. Things are turning!

Mumonkan, Koan 11: Joshu Sees The Hermits

Joshu went to a hermit's cottage and asked, "Is the master in? Is the master in?" The hermit raised his fist. Joshu said, "The water is too shallow to anchor here," and he went away. Coming to another hermit's cottage, he asked again, "Is the master in? Is the master in?" This hermit, too, raised his fist. Joshu said, "Free to give, free to take, free to kill, free to save," and he made a deep bow.

I'm stuck. I've been considering this koan for a while now, and I just cannot make any headway! I just don't get it.

At one point, I was so frustrated that I was about to read Mumon's comments. But I immediately realized this would be the worst possible thing I could do. First, making a federal case about not being able to figure out one koan is ridiculous. Second, anything I might learn from reading the solution would be useless to me because I would have learned without experiencing. Although I might gain some insight in the short term, I would just end up forgetting it all before long. If practicing Zen has taught me anything, it's that the only things that truly stick with us in meaningful ways are the things we learn through our own experience.

As a result, I've decided to just move on to the next koan. There is one bit of consolation. As I wrote in my posting about Daitsu Chisho Buddha (see post on koan 9), I've found that even returning to a koan I have solved can yield additional or deeper understanding. If that's the case, someday when I come back to Joshu Sees The Hermits, maybe I will have learned what I need to answer it.

For now, it's on to the next one!

Blizzard 2011

In Illinois, we get alot of hysterical warnings about 'dangerous storms' and 'big snows' that turn out to be overreactions. So when I heard the claims that we would get 1.5 feet in a blizzard with 60 mile per hour gusting winds, I just laughed it off. "I'll believe it when I see it!"

Well, this is one prediction that came true! The drifts were something like 2-3 feet deep, with the biggest ones going way above that. Jim and I joined forces to dig ourselves out, and the court wasn't plowed until late that night so we were really snowed in. Jim took the snowblower and I used a shovel. Best work-out I've had in weeks.

Here's a pic of me standing in the snow (and my feet aren't even on the ground!). I'm standing on the front walk, so yes we had to clear all that snow away. Definitely a lot of work.

It reminded me of the winter of 1977 when we had tons and tons of snow and poor Mayor Bilandic in Chicago later lost reelection because people were pissed about the snow. We'd walk to school on the 4-5 foot high snow drifts along the sides of the streets, like mountain goats in the Himalayas. It was so much fun!

Zazen and Brain Physiology

From time to time, my friend Paul sends me articles that speak to actual physiological changes taking place in the brains of people who meditate. Follow this link to one of these articles. The sample size is tiny so not sure this study proves much, but I'm certainly not surprised by what they found.
http://www.kurzweilai.net/mindfulness-meditation-training-changes-brain-structure-in-8-weeks

I have no idea whether what I do while sitting in zazen is 'mindful meditation' (or what that term even means). The part of the article that initially struck me was this quote from the lead researcher: “Although the practice of meditation is associated with a sense of peacefulness and physical relaxation, practitioners have long claimed that meditation also provides cognitive and psychological benefits that persist throughout the day.”

I wonder what 'practitioners' this researcher spoke to, because her statement suggests very little understanding about what meditation is all about. I think it's a common misconception that meditation (or 'sitting in zazen' for us Zen folk) is about finding 'inner peace' or relaxing. New Age mystics have kind of hijacked the practice of meditation from Zen Buddhism and turned it into a substitute for Valium or ritualized it so it's little more than window-dressing. Zen meditation is not about finding inner peace. According to Zen philosophy, every one of us already has inner peace. Inner peace is not something you have to search for; it's something you have to learn to stop running away from.

Similarly, relaxation is not the goal of sitting in zazen. While meditating definitely leads to a calming of the mind, this is just an ancillary - albeit a very positive - benefit. The goal of Zen, and therefore of Zen meditation, is to discipline the mind, to focus it, to rid it of clutter, to gain control over it. Far from trying to relax (a contradiction in terms if ever there was one), Zen meditation is about attaining an acute alertness. It's an alertness that is completely in the moment, focused, and serene. You are never sleepy or dreamy or zoned out while sitting in zazen. On the contrary, you are alert, sitting with erect posture, fully awake and conscious, and completely in control.

This alert but relaxed state is called samadhi. By learning how to go into samadhi, we're able to learn how to control our minds and by extension how to relate effectively to the world. This control and discipline is not harsh, rigid, or austere; it's a control that comes from simply being aware of ourselves, focused, and undistracted. It's carrying the sense of ourselves we find during samadhi into our everyday lives. When we can achieve this, it's extremely powerful because it enhances patience, clarity, focus, endurance, and prevents us from being derailed by people, situations, and emotions that are not relevant.

Attaining samadhi on a regular basis leads to all those positive things people often mistake as being the point of meditation: happiness, reduced stress, and a sense of relaxation. However, if you try to attain those benefits through meditation without learning to discipline your mind, you will find the benefits short-lived and lost within hours.

Ong-Bak (The Thai Warrior)

Ong-Bak (or The Thai Warrior) is the film Tony Jaa made before The Protector. Viewers for the The Protector, which is a definite must see martial arts film, will certainly see similarities between the two films. For one thing, the basic plots are almost identical. Tony Jaa plays a rural villager who goes to the big city to recover something stolen from his village. In The Protector it's two elephants, and in Ong-Bak it's the head of the village god.

In both movies, in trying to recover the object he's after, Jaa's character falls into a much bigger web of criminal activity. He ends up facing off against a corrupt crimelord and his martial arts trained right hand man (Johnny Tri Nguyen in The Protector and Atthapong Pantanaunkul in Ong-Bak).

While these similarities are certainly not to the credit of The Protector, which came after Ong-Bak, the two movies are very different in the way they unfold and the kinds of fight sequences that are delivered. Ong-Bak isn't the sheer frontal assault that makes The Protector so amazing to watch, but that fact also means Ong-Bak is a more economical film (and that has pluses).

There are some amazing acrobatics on display in Ong-Bak, most notably in the scene where Jaa and co-star Petchtai Wongkamlao (who also appeared for comic relief in The Protector) are running from a crowd of goons. Also, there is an early scene in the village where Jaa is 'practicing forms', which is a nice way to have him show off his skills early on. However, the movie also contains the straight fight scenes fans of the genre want, most notably between Jaa and several adversaries in an illegal Bangkok fight club.

Jaa the actor is much less prominent part of the mix here. In this film, Jaa is primarily a martial artist. In fact, I question whether the number of lines of dialogue he is given gets very far into the double digits. Most of the speaking is handled by the always hilarious Petchtai Wongkamlao, supported by Pumwazree Yodkamol playing a tomboy street urchin whose relationship to Wongkamlao's character is something I still can't quite figure out.

While I could have lived without the Bangkok motorcycle-taxi chase scene, Ong-Bak is an entertaining ride. I'd probably say The Protector is the better movie, but Ong-Bak is the shorter, lighter, and more direct film and is definitely worth seeing.

Frozen

We've had wind chills overnight of -30 and single digit highs during the day, but I'm not talking about only the weather.

My sinus issues continue to keep me from going to martial arts. I plan to go and then find myself not getting enough air and getting tired or having a headache. Kind of depressing. This problem is also either stopping me from working out...or my increasing inertia is snowballing and just killing my drive to do anything. Lastly, there's decisions being made at work relating to whether or not I get a well-deserved promotion that will make a big difference in my choices career-wise. Until all these different things are resolved, I'm kind of frozen. It's not a good feeling for me, and it's slowed me down in meditating as often, writing (no haiku lately), posting on this blog, planning our vacation, meeting up with friends, etc.

Part of it is the upcoming surgery, which I know will knock me on my back for at least a week. Part of it is not knowing about the promotion. Part of it is the weather. It all is creating a kind of burned-out feeling, as if everything in my life is 'on pause'. Of course, I can't blame anyone for this except myself. I should have enough spine to just get up off my ass and change the direction of things if I don't like it, but I honestly don't seem to want to (which makes me feel even worse).

I'm probably being way too hard on myself. With all the unknowns and a surgery coming up, maybe I'm just instinctively cocooning myself. You know, just bracing myself for the big changes (good and/or bad) that I know are coming.

Anyway, that's why my postings have slowed down a bit lately.

The good news is that everything should be resolved fairly soon. The surgery will happen within a month (including all the pre-surgery doctor's visits and tests), and I think in the next couple weeks I'll know whether I have a career at my present employer or just a job. I may not be able to do anything about the weather, but winter should be less harsh about two months from now. So I guess I'm just allowing myself to slow down a bit and chill (no pun intended) and wait for the better times ahead since there's nothing much I can do to make the wheels spin faster.

Sinus Issues Continue

As mentioned in an earlier post, I've been having issues with breathing and sinus infections. Got in to see my ENT doctor, and they did a CT scan to see what's going on with my sinuses. As it turns out my septum is pretty badly deviated. It was quite bent to the right, which explains why that nostril is pretty much closed off much of the time now. Additionally, there is a bone spur jutting from the septum to the right. With all the tissue around this stuff, it's no surprise that any allergic response or cold or anything that inflames those tissues leads to my nostrils closing up.

The doctor explained the surgery to me, and I think it's a better option than just taking allergy shots or nasal sprays for the rest of my life. Of course, this will be the first operation I've ever had. I'll be put under and everything. Luckily, it's outpatient and the recovery time isn't long. Will definitely be off work for a few days though. In the meantime, I'll just have to make it until mid-February.

Given that this is going to be settled imminently, I'm trying to gear up to get back to hapkido. It's tough because there are definitely days when I know that my nose is too closed for it to make any sense to go. Hopefully, this will all be over soon. I'm really looking forward to being able to breathe like a normal person!

Fatal Contact

I have never seen an unassuming martial arts movie go so bad so fast. Fatal Contact stars Wu Jing in an ill-defined role in a very thin plot line about underground fighting in Hong Kong. That's not a huge problem though because there's a lot of charm and grit to the majority of Fatal Contact. The movie allows plenty of opportunities for Jing to show off his skills, and there's a good, off-kilter supporting performance from pop star Ronald Cheng. As a martial artist, Jing is certainly impressive. His speed is amazing, and I was repeatedly struck dumb by his spinning kicks and back kicks.

Despite all these positives, it's difficult to give this film even a half-hearted recommendation. Up until the the final match, the movie is decent and seems to know what it wants to do. Jing's character (Kong) is convinced to join the Hong Kong underground fighting circuit for easy cash. As he does so, his abilities lead to higher and higher stakes and he becomes conflicted by his increasingly violent use of martial arts.  The final straw comes when he is ordered to throw a fight.

At this point, the movie has set up a great finale for a penultimate fight sequence. Will Kong throw the fight? Will he realize that he's not using his skills in appropriately? How will he extricate himself from the underground fight scene he's joined? Further, I liked the cautionary aspects of the story in terms of what happens when you mix with the wrong people (the 'fatal contact' of the title?), and there were also some subplots with secondary characters that were interesting enough to make me want to see how them resolved.

No spoilers here, but as soon as the match Kong is ordered to throw ends (complete with rain falling on cue - yuck) you may as well shut the movie off if you're a martial arts fan. The action is over, and all that's left is a lot of cheesy melodrama until the film drags itself - a half-dead rotting carcass - to the rolling credits. Worst of all, the movie fails to satisfactorily resolve any of its plotlines or characters. It takes the easy way out across the board or simply doesn't even bother.

What happened? While director Dennis Law does a great job filming his movie, his talents as a screenwriter are slender and he is clearly incapable of resolving even modest character and plot conflict without resorting to over the top dramatics. Kong's inner conflict vanishes as if it had never existed, and Law should know better that to end a movie in this genre with a lot of weepy scenes as if it were a chick flick. It's not an exaggeration to say that Fatal Contact turns into an entirely different - and very, very bad - movie as it enters its last 20-30 minutes.

So the question is, could I watch this movie and just shut it off after the final fight? If so, I could haltingly recommend it. Unfortunately, the martial arts aspects of the film are not sufficiently wrapped up (nor are they ever). So despite really great performances by Wu Jing, I cannot recommend Fatal Contact. Wu Jing, however, has the goods as a martial artists and I'd love to see his skills highlighted in a (way) better film.

Memories Of Warmer Times

It's cold in Illinois these days, and it's going to get a lot colder before we get around to the warm weather again. My mom sent some pics to me from when Jim and I visited them in Panama City Beach, and I had to share as a way to beat the winter blues.  The first one is me and Jim down by the beach, and the second is me on a deep sea fishing boat. Didn't catch much this time around, but still had a good time. I can still remember my deep sea outing before this one. I caught something like eight fish. By the end of the six hour trip, I was grubby with sweat, fish slime, squid skin, and fish bait. There's a part of me that is still a little boy and likes to be dirty!

Fist of Legend

The last movie of my martial arts marathon is an absolute classic that I never get tired of watching: Fist of Legend.

Since Fearless is my favorite movie of all time, you'd think it would also have to be my pick for the best martial arts movie of all time. However, if I'm to choose the best example of the genre, I'd have to go with Fist of Legend. It's really everything that you want in a martial arts movie: a thin but serviceable plot, decent characters, acting that may sometimes seem stiff but never makes you completely gag, and - most important - lots of great fight sequences. Further, the film is directed and shot in order to best highlight the moves of the martial artists. Sometimes this makes for a rather crude look but it's just a sign that the director has his priorities straight. The master/student dynamic receives screen time, including some discussion of martial art technique and philosophy. What more could you ask for?

Of course, since the movie was made in the early nineties before Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon ushered in the age of more technical martial arts films (both wire-fu and true genre films), there is also ill-fitting music, cheesy sound effects, and strange dubbing. Personally, I do not watch martial arts movies with the English dubbing, though sometimes it's tempting so you can watch the moves more closely. I did check out Fist of Legend's English dub and the voices were not too bad (as far as that goes). Actually, I'm not sure what language this movie was originally shot in because the soundtrack in Mandarin and Cantonese does not match the lips of the actors any better that the English version! Strange!

In terms of fights, you will get your money's worth. You get not one, but two scenes of Jet Li taking on a crowd of adversaries. Add to that a fight between Li and co-star Chin Siu Ho (Tai Chi Master). By the way, Ho also gets some great action scenes of his own, which is great. There's a fight between Li and a Japanese master, as well as the final showdown with the Japanese villain. The plot is amusing enough to hold your attention until the next fight scene, and none of the fight scenes are overlong. Warts and all, Fist of Legend  is pretty perfect.

Another thing I like about this movie is that - even though it was filmed more than a decade before Fearless - it is actually a kind of sequel to that film. Li's character Chen Zhen returns to China to uncover the conspiracy behind the death of Huo Yuanjia, the master Li played in Fearless. Of course, the movies were not planned to fit together so there are plenty of things that don't gyve. Ho plays Huo Yuanjia's son, which will throw people who watched Fearless as in that movie Huo Yuanjia only had a daughter. Also the name of the Japanese martial artist who challenged Huo Yuanjia is different in this movie and his fighting skills are in question.

But these are minor quibbles (and are actually part of the endearing charm of this rough gem). Fist of Legend  would be my pick for best martial arts movie of all time, and I recommend it as a starting point for people who want to see a real representation of the genre as Li and Ho are in top form!

Thievery Corporation - It Takes a Thief

I've been listening to Thievery Corporation for about a decade now, and I have become more and more impressed with the intelligence and quality of music they bring to the table. I have also been thrilled with them of an example of how quality can rise to the top outside the straight jacket of unimaginative major labels and radio, the latter being little more than a promotion arm for the major labels. Also, Thievery Corporation's interest in global politics and speaking about what is going on in the world is arresting without crossing over into fierce polemic or pompous holier-than-thou attitude.

Aside from enjoying their work a great deal, Thievery has brought me into contact with many other artists that I also follow closely: Bebel Gilberto, Federico Aubele, etc. The ESL label that releases Thievery Corporation's work is in my list of links on this blog, and it's one of the places I check in for new music on a regular basis. Finally, during the last year, I realized Thievery Corporation is my 'favorite artist'. This was an odd realization as I hadn't had a 'favorite' musical artist for years nor cared much to discover one. I listen to so many different artists in different genres and from different countries and have done so for so long that it just didn't make sense to me to have a single 'favorite'. (Hopefully this realization is entirely about the music and only marginally informed by my tendency to pause when I see Eric Hilton posing impassively in a suit...niiiiice!).

Anyway....since I have all their albums (barring a few of the remix albums since I've always been most excited about their original full-lengths), I didn't need to do anything with It Takes a Thief - their 'very best of' retrospective - except download 'The Passing Stars'. But I'm glad Thievery Corporation released something like this. They deserve a retrospective because they've come a long way and their music has certainly changed over the years. At the same time, It Takes a Thief will come off very much as an 'album' rather than a disjointed set of tracks because Thievery Corporation is one of the few artists whose musical vision (and their actual chops in delivering on that vision) has been consistent and consistently solid even while exploring their vision and evolving it over time.

With all that said, It Takes a Thief is still a collection and is therefore bound to succeed for some and doomed to fail for others. As a sampler' of Thievery Corporation's sound, it does a great job and it's a definite good buy for someone who wants to get a feel for what these guys sound like. The album covers a lot of different moods and styles, and I like how they mixed up the tracks rather than presenting them in chronological order as this emphasizes the strong composing and musical performances that are par for the course with Thievery Corporation.

On the other hand, the set is probably doomed to fail for others because it is dubbed 'the very best of...'.  Excuse me, says who? This may be 'the very best' according to Garza and Hilton, but any collection of tracks pulled from their albums isn't going to live up to that moniker for most people. "Why didn't they include this song or that song?" is probably the quibble most listeners would have. However, this is really more of a compliment to Thievery Corporation than anything. When an artist has been putting out great music as long as these guys have, the term 'very best of...' becomes meaningless.

If you've ever had any interest in giving Thievery Corporation a listen, this is a great opportunity and a fantastic collection of tracks. I think I read on their facebook page that they're working on their next studio album. I can't wait to see what these guys do next!

Mumonkan, Koan 10: Seizei Is Utterly Destitute

Seizei said to Sozan, "Seizei is utterly destitute. Will you give him support?". Sozan called out: "Seizei!". Seizei responded, "Yes sir!". Sozan said, "You have finished three cups of the finest wine in China, and still you say you have not yet moistened your lips!"

No one who has experienced something can be 'utterly destitute'. Only a man who has never had a drop of water or wine, can be utterly destitute in terms of his thirst. The drinking of wine being a metaphor for Zen.

Sozan is clearly Seizei's master, and his scolding about how Seizei has tasted fine wine suggests Seizei is somewhat advanced in his studies and has experience with zazen, kensho, and maybe even satori. Therefore he is (and should be) capable of supporting himself. If he has reached a place where he feels 'destitute', then he must find the way out of that based on what he has learned so far. His master is there to guide him, to teach, to challenge, to mentor, etc. He is not there (nor is any teacher or master) to 'support' him. The same goes for all of us.

In a sense, Sozan's answer was the equivalent of saying: "Don't be a drama queen!"

2010 - The Year In Review

At the start of this year, I put together a list of seven goals I wanted to attain during 2010. 'Resolutions' if you will. I also posted an entry where I ranted about how unwise it is to create resolutions. Well, apparently I've proven myself right, for I achieved only two (maybe two-and-a-half) of the resolutions I made. When I realized this, I got kind of down on myself. Why wasn't I able to accomplish things I felt were important? What have I been doing all year?

To answer this question, I read back through this blog. What I realized is that the movie Up has the right idea. Life isn't the adventure you plan; it's the one that happens to you. No, I didn't achieve most of my resolutions. But I had some great experiences in 2010, and I achieved some terrific things. To celebrate the close of the year, I wanted to summarize the things I'm proud of in 2010:

1) I'm sitting in zazen on a regular basis, and I've worked through many koans in Mumonkan as part of my growth in Zen.

2) In Hapkido, I was promoted first to my green belt and then to my greenbelt/bluestripe. I've also begun sparring, so I'm getting to the next level of my training that way as well.

3) Jim and I returned to St. John's for a wonderful vacation, including a hike through the interior of the island to see petroglyphs.

4) At work, I took three small accounts and grew them so I have both key pieces of business (ad testing and brand tracking) on all three. One of the accounts is now in the Top 10 revenue generators for the office. At the same time, I was turned around the 'account from hell': a large account that has been losing money and driving employees to quit for over a decade. It's now making money and staff is stable.

5) I got back into reading in a big way. All year I was engaged in reading at least one book. I finished Moby Dick, meaning I got most of the way through a self-assigned goal of reading Herman Melville's novels in the order he wrote them. I also made substantial progress on my goal of reading the 20 novels in Emile Zola's Rougon-Macquart cycle. Five of them are under my belt.

6) I hit the weights on a pretty consistent basis all year long.

7) Over the middle six months of the year, I rode 272 miles on my bike. Not a huge amount of mileage, but it's still pretty good. Saw lots of wildlife and had plenty of time in nature. Plus it's just great to get outside!

8) Jim and I had a saw Lisa Lampanelli live.

9) A robin laid eggs in a nest below my study window, and I watched them hatch and grow.

10) I joined the 21st century with my first real cell phone (a smart phone, in fact), and I'm doing the 'connected' thing without sacrificing my private space.

11) Jim and I investigated the life-changing idea of buying and operating an inn. We worked on a business plan, toured a property we were interested in, interacted with members of the community, and met with Chamber of Commerce. While we decided against the project, it's still something we put effort into and allowed ourselves to be open to. An experience, if you will.

12) I proved my gentlemanly skill at 'holding my liquor' when my team at work went out to a club opening and I downed a glass of wine, a beer, a glass of vodka, three tumblers of Jack straight, and a Starry Night. No foolish behavior (well, okay maybe a little), no vomiting, and no hangover.

13) I was asked by a black belt to drill a group of kids on their kicks during Hapkido, proving to myself that I actually do have the ability to teach kids and nurture them! Very surprising thing to learn about myself as I did not think this was something I was capable of.

14) My bowling average has reached its highest level ever. 125! Okay, so I still suck. But it's the least I've sucked up to this point.

15) After years of little to no creative activity, I've been writing haiku to encapsulate insights I gain from my Zen studies. I'm back in the creative saddle again, and it feels really good.

16) I took a 'vacation to Chicago', where I checked out art museums I hadn't been to in a long time, saw some great underground theatre, hung out with good friends, and had awesome conversations.

17) I eat sushi now!

18) I danced my way through tapings of the Chic-a-Go-Go show with some of my closest friends, and then three of us went out for pizza. The first time we three have been together in person for years.

19) While snorkeling in Panama City Beach, I swam within a giant school of thousands of transparent fish with neon blue stripes inside them.

20) I have kept Zen Throw Down going for almost 2 years. As of this writing, I've had about 3,500 hits.

I didn't have the year I planned, but I had a great year nonetheless! I hope everyone who might read this did too, and best wishes for 2011!

Thank You For the Music!

Jim got me some great CDs this Christmas, and his sister Chris gave me a $10 gift certificate for iTunes. So I went shopping today! Last year, I wrote a blog entry defending the wonderfulness of gift cards against those who assert they are not 'approptiate' gifts. Here's the link:

http://zenthrowdown.blogspot.com/2009/12/joy-of-gift-cards.html

Since in that entry I suggest letting the person know what you bought...here you go Chris...all the wonderful stuff I was able to get with your gift card! Thank you!

Put Em Up EP - Ancient Astronauts
My purchases were pretty focused around the ESL label. Ancient Astronauts are a trip-hop outfit from Germany. I often dislike trip-hop of the kind they seem to produce (think Nightmares on Wax or Red Snapper) because the flow that most people love about this kind of music tends to bore me. The Put Em Up EP includes some sweet remixes that work better for me and get me chilled because it's a bit grittier and more melodic than the album versions.

Booty Lock - Frank Mitchell, Jr.
I heard the b-side to this single ('Body Mind') for free on ESL's website, where they make mixes of 5 to 6 tracks and then you can listen to them and buy the mix for a couple bucks. When I found the song on iTunes and saw it was the b-side, I had to check on the single. 'Booty Lock' was good enough to make me buy the whole thing.  Frank Mitchell, Jr. is a saxaphone player and vocalist who worked on Thievery Corporation's recent classic Radio Retaliation. This is his debut single and the music is funky, soulful deep house that's a bit more upbeat than most ESL stuff. Love it!

Tree Of Mystery - Kabanjak
Kabanjak is one half of the duo that makes up Ancient Astronauts (didn't know that). Picked up a few tracks off this release rather than the whole thing for the same reason I didn't buy the Ancient Astronauts full-length. Snapped up "Don't Worry", "The Man Who Spoke Flames", and a real mellow instrumental called "Rubicon". This stuff is really interesting, so I'm glad to have a few of these tracks in my collection. Will definitely see how they endure and watch for more Kabanjak in the future.

"Golden In The Gaze Of The Sun" - SW
I don't really know anything about SW but, given the global net lemongrassmusic casts to pick up talent, they could be from just about anywhere. This is a longer deep house track with a classic housey stacatto groove that is updated due to the ambience in this track. This track is from lemongrassmusic's Deep House Dreams 4 compilation, and I found it hypnotic in the samples so I was waiting for an opportunity to pick this up. Again, love the gift cards as I tend to use them in snatching one-off tracks from various artists I'm interested in trying out.

So that's what I was able to pick up thanks to Chris! But while I was shopping, I noticed French hip-hop artist MC Solaar has a release called Magnum 567 that is actually three of his albums (Cinquieme As, Mach 6, and Chapitre 7). And it looks like it's selling for the price of one CD! I have been listening to MC Solaar since the height of the acid jazz movement in the mid-90s. If you've been meaning to check him out, this is a golden opportunity! Of course, my favorite album of his remains his fourth album (I think) Paradisiaque.

As I mentioned, Jim got me some great CDs for Christmas, and here they are:

Amatorio - Federico Aubele
The latest by the Argentine guitarist and crooner. Reduced reliance on electronica and more focus on his vocals than on female singers as on hi prior two releases. Aubele is not the world's strongest voice, but his gentle delivery is a great fit for his music and guitar playing. I have all of his albums, and I'm really enjoying following him. Good to see that he's willing to alter his sound a little bit to try something a shade different!

Vieux Farka Toure Live
I was right! This was under the tree. Mississippi delta blues meets West African musical sensibilities. Can't wait to dive in, as I have snatched several free tracks over the last year from the ridiculously generous Six Degrees Global Noize blog. Link to the blog is on my list of links. You won't regret it!

Rue De Paris - Aqua Bassino
Scottish multi-instumentalist Aqua Bassino released this in 2006, but once I heard samples of this mish-mash of soul, acid-jazz, and electronica I had to have it! Haven't had a chance to dig in yet.

10th Anniversary - Kyoto Jazz Massive
This outfit of Japanese DJs are on the Compost label (Jazzanova, the Underwolves). I'd never heard of them before, but as often happens while trolling around the web and connecting from one artist to the next I stumbled on them. A double disk compilation that has more than a little acid-jazz flavoring, including their work as well as remixes done for established artists like Incognito and Da Lata.

Moon, Sun, & All Things - Ex Cathedra and Jeffrey Skidmore
And now for something completely different! This is baroque music from Latin America in the 17th and 18th Century, with lyrics sung in the Quechua language. I've been slowly amassing a lot of really old music: Renaissance lute music, Elizabethan music, etc. Stumbled on this because one of the ensembles that pitch in are the Quintessential Sackbut and Cornett Ensemble. I have both of their albums and love them both, so I guess I'm a groupie!

Lastly, due to how I am increasingly impressed with each new Thievery Corporation release, I picked up the items in their catalog that I do not have. That includes the two CDs below: The Cosmic Game and The Outernational Sound. So, in short, I'm glutted with new music for the time being!

Zazen Table

For Christmas, Jim gave me this statue of a man kneeling in meditation. I gave him automatic points for being supportive (per Jim: "anything that makes you calm down is a good thing").

The photo here is the table I sit before when in zazen, and I've added the statue to it. The table is about 14" square, sits low to the floor, and used to have little or nothing on it. I certainly wasn't planning on buying 'stuff', because I felt the plainness better accommodates the purpose of zazen. Besides, I use the table as a writing surface (my journal and copy of Katsuki Sekida's Mumonkan and Hekiganroku are kept under the table).

As mentioned in a prior post, I've firmly resisted buying Zen books or knick-knacks (i.e., no fancy tables, meditation cushions, etc.) because I felt making such purchases was placing my focus and energy in the wrong direction. In keeping with this approach, this 'table' is a plant stand Jim wasn't using and which I converted into my zazen table. I picked up the stone from the shore of Lake Michigan during my 'Pete Retreat' in October of 2006. This was the retreat where I spent a week alone in the Michigan country without TV, cell service, or people. During that time alone, I made great strides in self-understanding, self-assessment, and shed a great deal of illusion. I also wrote The Ancient Elm cycle of poetry (posted on this blog). I keep the stone on my zazen table because it is a physical reminder of the mind-set I was able to achieve during the 'Pete Retreat'.

The statue Jim gave me serves a similar function. When he first gave it to me, I was kind of like: "Hmm, do I really want this? Isn't this exactly what I told myself I would not do." But when I looked at it, I found that it depicts a man sitting in absolutely perfect zazen posture: erect but relaxed, back straight, head up, legs crossed in a full lotus (which I still can't manage too well, by the way). When I sit down to zazen, one look at this statue spurs me to my best zazen posture without my having to think about it. So I plan to keep it.

I suppose, in the final analysis, some might say that all my thinking about the statue and the table and my 'philosophy' about it is a kind of delusion. Why expend any energy thinking about this? That's a valid question. Perhaps it is a weakness on my part, but I have found that it makes a difference if I exert some thoughtful control over my zazen environment. As a result, right or wrong, my little zazen table shoved in the corner of my room is special to me. It's where I meditate, write haiku, wrestle with koans, and experience kensho/satori.

Kiss of the Dragon

My martial arts movie marathon continues. I hadn't watched this movie in a long time, so I wanted to give it another chance. Unfortunately, as I remember, Kiss of the Dragon is a weak martial arts film despite some sweet fights. The problem is the movie makes the fatal mistake of giving other elements equal importance to the martial arts performances, as well as being afraid to sacrifice some polish in order to optimally showcase of the chops of its star (Jet Li).

I'm not saying martial arts movies can't have strong plots, sub-plots, character development, love stories, etc. Nor am I saying that they shouldn't use technically strong cinematography or art direction. However, these elements must always be made to serve - and serve-up - the fight sequences. If this approach is not used, a film will usually tear itself apart. It will not deliver enough martial arts action to please fans of the genre, nor will it have enough of anything else to please the rest of the audience.

In Kiss of the Dragon, Luc Besson (a really talented writer/director) gives way too much screen time to a subplot with Bridget Fonda playing a crack ho trying to get her daughter back. Fonda gives it her best, but she's sunk by limp dialogue and the fact no one is watching for any reason except to see Jet Li. Additionally, director Chris Nahon clearly doesn't understand the genre at all. He shoots the entire movie the way he would if this were a Rambo film: loads of cutting, objects in the foreground, flashy cinematography, etc. That's fine for standard action flicks, but a martial arts movie often has to forego some of that polish to allow the audience to get a real good look at the martial artists in action. As a result of this inappropriate direction, even the strongest fight scenes in the film - and there are some good ones - don't have the impact they should because the movie gets in the way of us watching them.

Another aspect of the movie I did not like - again arising from the fact that the people in charge of the film just don't get this genre - is that there is nothing in the screenplay that provides Li's character with any kind of motivation or back story that suggests the spirit of the martial arts. Frankly, this movie could have starred any Hollywood action actor if you replaced the martial arts with gun fights.

Kiss of the Dragon is a timewaster at best. Even going in with that assumption, the best way to watch this movie would be to use the chapter menu to see Jet Li's fight scenes and then bail.

Sushi on the Menu

For the better part of twenty years, I have kept a mental list of foods I want to like but don't. I want to like them because they are easy to make or acquire in a fully prepared manner and because they are very healthy. In each case, though, I simply cannot make myself eat them because I dislike the taste or texture. Every couple years I make myself try these foods again in hopes that I will 'acquire the taste'.

This approach has worked for me before with yogurt. I used to hate the feel of yogurt in my mouth, even though I knew it would be awesome to have this as a snack food. One year I tried it and BAM; I liked it! And I've been eating it ever since. I think these are the key items on the list at present:
1) Oatmeal - Even warm and with cinnamon, it tastes like cold mucus to me. But it smells really good, and I'd love to wake up to that each morning.
2) Spinach - Bitter as an nasty old woman. But it's one of those dark green leafy veggies that is supposed to be so great for you. I've been able to eat it in pizza and as a side at Ethiopian restaurants. That's a start.
3) Sushi - It can taste good, but the texture in my mouth is just gross. I want to like it because it's seafood (good for you), and because I have this impression that it would be filling without making me feel bloated. Plus it's just kind of cool looking in the display, and I like those funky rotating bars.

The point of this post is that my efforts have paid off once again. Sushi is officially off the list and on my menu! I went to lunch with my good friend Cindy over this holiday, and she adores sushi.  I had a chance to try a bunch of stuff in a risk free environment. I loved it all! Some of it like the dragon roll (example pictured) did have cooked components, so I may be in the shallows of the sushi world as yet. In any case, I am psyched for my next sushi adventure. I know I can start with what I like and then pick a few weird items and, if I don't like them, oh well, I've still had a good, filling meal. Jim will never join me in this, so I'll have to latch onto Cindy for more lunch outings. LOL!

Happy happy happy!

Tom Yum Goong (The Protector)

The martial arts movie marathon continues...

The first thing that has to be said about The Protector is that the fight scenes are absolutely amazing! I'll just repeat what any review you might read about this movie is bound to say: the continuous shot of Tony Jaa fighting his way up the spiral stairs in the restaurant is without doubt one of the best martial arts fight scenes ever filmed. The single take approach in this scene and Jaa's athleticism make you to feel like you are right there watching him totally kick ass!

While I can't say enough about that scene, there are plenty of other amazing fights as well. There's a fight in a sleazy Thai 'massage parlor', a street fight pitting Jaa against a bicycle gang, Jaa against a huge black guy with the word 'pray' carved into his chest (and doing some crazy moves) in a burning temple, Jaa against what seems like fifty guys who he incapacitates one after the other in rapid fire movements. There's a let up between the fight scenes, but this movie really does not give you much of a break.

In fact, the international release of The Protector (over three hours in length), is an exhausting experience. It's so crammed with fight scenes and plot that I had to take a break! There's no doubt you will get your martial arts fix satisfied with this movie, and - as near as I could tell - almost the entire thing is real action. While there are a few scenes that could have been cut to make the film a little more digestible, The Protector dishes out action and fight sequences like an sub-automatic machine gun.

However, the film also manages to have a heart at its center. The first half hour or so has no fight scenes but set-up for the motivation of Jaa's character. This beginning is beautifully shot and very touching. From these idyllic Thai village scenes, the movie gradually moves deeper and deeper into a veritable heart of darkness of crime, drugs, prostitution, and black marketeering that will have PETA members crying their eyes out as they cheer Jaa on. If you're an animal right activist, you'll be on your feet during this movie, as Jaa's character is out to save his family's elephants - who are really integral members of his family.  This part of the movie involves some subtext that partially escapes me since I do not entirely understand the significance of elephants in Thai culture. Co-star Petchtai Wongkamlao's voice-over at the end explains some of it (they are a national symbol of Thailand). If so, then there's definitely a lot of imagery in the film around this (at the end an elephant saves Jaa's character in a very surprising way). However, I have no idea if it's a good subtext about traditions and national pride or just overwrought histrionics.

While Jaa is of course front and center and carries the movie very well, he gets quite a run for his money from an unusually strong supporting cast that elevate the movie with their presence. Johnny Tri Nguyen (he starred in and rocked The Rebel) plays a sexy street thug with sneering venom and very nearly steals every scene he's in. Petchtai Wongkamlao (who also co-starred with Jaa in Ong-Bak, The Thai Warrior) is hilarious as a feisty thinks-he's-hip Sydney cop. Xing Jing - a transsexual actress with a fantastic story in real life - plays a character deliciously clawing her way to the top of an organized crime family. Nathan Jones - a 6'11" Australian powerlifter (Fearless, Troy) - seems to be the go-to guy for a big bad white monster muscle, and he provides some real fun fight sequences. And you gotta give kudos to go to the actor who played Rick, the dumb white cop. In a hilarious reversal of racial roles, this guy has the thankless task of playing the side-kick cop who provides comedic relief but, when his character has outlived its usefulness, is unceremoniously capped.

The direction of The Protector is slick, masterful eye candy, again helping to set the movie at the top of the pack of martial arts releases. In the end, The Protector has a lot going for it. If you like martial arts films, it's a must see. If you require a great plot, you'll get that too although the story may be a little too scattered amongst all the side characters and subplots to have maximum impact for everyone. But one thing is for sure: when Jaa is doing his thing, The Protector is pure martial arts magic.

Happy Holidays!

I realized I didn't have a photo of our tree in the Holiday Bash post pics. Here it is, festive as always.

Happy Holidays to everyone who has stopped by Zen Thrown Down over the last year and a half, even if it's just for a minute or two.

I hope 2011 is a great year for all of us!

Haiku Thursday

garden of mountains
blind me to hills and vallies
journeys end and start