High Priest And Heretic

poem 8 from The Ancient Elm

Twenty years ago,
Wizard of the Wood,
outcast and alone,
I ciphered
wind earth air trees
into mythology and light.

But today,
I’m the High Priest
of a twisted myth,
practicing a Craft
whose incense invocations icons
reveal nothing.

I must split from
wand and sword and scepter
and become the heretic
who embraces darkness
that is merely new light
unciphered.

Some of the things that got me thinking about this cycle was not only the approach of 40 and viewing myself differently and embracing Zen. Between these two things, there was a feeling of charting new territory and looking at myself in a different way, and that was not always comfortable. For example, it was surprisingly jarring to me to think of myself as a man and not a young man for the first time. Not unpleasant or limiting or sad, but very, very different perspective. This is where the idea of turning from a high priest to a heretic comes in.

In the last poem, the speaker has achieved everything possible along his last trajectory and has stagnated a bit. The thing he sought was never really intended to be the end of all goals, but it became that because he has spent a lot of time getting there and there was never a need to think 'and then what?' Now there is. And, at first, the thinking is to revisit who you've been in the past. However, as shown in the Imperial Triptych, you really can't do that.

A person has to try new things and, sometimes, that requires starting over a bit and not being as effective at everything as you're used to being (turning from a high priest to a heretic). So the speaker splits from 'wand to sword to scepter' which has become a mantra that doesn't really apply to himself twenty years on. He must embrace darkness (the unknown) and view it as a chance to move on to new goals and achievements.